Season 3 Episode 2 - Worlds
by fanningon
Summary: This is the second part of an 8 part season 3 fanfic. Please first read episode 1- Change: /s/10300087/1/Season-3-Episode-1-Change If you can, read with the suggested music. cheers m'dears


_'Don't Look Back In Anger' by Oasis_

_Do you ever wish you could go back in time? _

_If you knew the moments where you'd made a mistake, where things had gone wrong, where you'd missed opportunities, would you go back and fix it? _

Rae dropped the phone while Finn was still speaking. She saw it, as if in slow motion hit the table and bounce off to the floor.

Shock and disbelief swept through her body.

_This can't be happening. _

_Not now._

She could hear Finn still speaking on the phone from the floor, his tone urgent.

_I couldn't hear what he was saying. _

_I heard those words and I couldn't hear anything else._

_Not yet._

_The emotion was too raw._

_It all hurt too much._

_It were the worst day of me life._

_Nothing would ever make me feel alright again. _

Rae walked away from the phone and sat at the kitchen table. Karim picked the phone up off the floor and hung it up before sitting with her.

_The phone rang again and I knew it were Finn. _

_But what could we possibly say to each other now?_

_There were no words._

_There was only an angry silence._

The radio blared a tune, her mum bustled in the kitchen, but inside she was breaking apart.

"What are you crying for?" Linda asked as she served breakfast and tutted at Rae as tears leaked from her eyes.

_I don't know why I expected any sort of sympathy from me mum._

_Me mum didn't understand. She couldn't. No one could. _

_How could anyone understand how this feels?_

_Only someone who has lost what I have lost could fathom this endless well of pain. _

"It's you're birthday Rae!" Linda tried again, "Oh honestly, it's not the end of the world Rae!"

_Not the end of the world? _

_She's never felt like I do – she can't understand the suffering, the pain of what I'd just heard. _

_I couldn't stop me feelings, even if it would ruin her plans for me birthday._

"Look, I know that break ups are hard…" Linda tried to say, "but-"

Rae's eyes strayed to the radio. Her body slumped in misery as she listened to the tune finish, and then the music news report picked up where it had left off.

"And the news has been confirmed; Britain's number one Britpop band, Oasis, have broken up."

She looked down and gave a melodramatic sob.

"Pick up the damn phone Rae!" Linda called as the phone started ringing for the second time and she went to get Aiesha, who had started to cry lustily.

Rae went into the lounge room and picked up the phone, putting it to her ear despondently.

"Rae? Are you alright?" He sounded worried.

"Yeah."

Finn listened to her crying and turned to look at the other lads on the work yard. He moved in closer to the phone so they couldn't hear him.

"What's wrong?"

"Oasis broke up!" She cried.

"Oh… oh right." He answered bewildered. He'd tried to ring her this morning to wish her happy birthday again, but there'd been a loud bang and then she'd suddenly hung up on him and not picked the phone back up when he'd tried calling again. "That's pretty shite." He added feeling relieved and confused.

"Pretty shite?" She almost shrieked. Finn covered the ear piece and looked around stealthily again, some of the lads were looking over with grins. "Now I'll never see them live!" She cried.

"Look, they're in the middle of recording an album Rae, Noel and Liam always fight. They'll be back together before you know it." He soothed.

"The radio says-"

"The radio's wrong. It'll be ok. Alright?"

"Alright." She still sounded miserable.

"You gonna try be happy till I get there?" Finn noticed a couple of the lads leaning forward to hear and tried to get even closer to the phone.

"Alright."

"I'll see you at lunch Miss Earl." Finn promised.

"I miss you." He grinned at her sulky tone.

"I miss you too." He replied and instantly heard the lads behind him snickering; they were gonna give him hell. "Happy birthday Rae."

"Thanks." She answered less miserably.

They hung up a few minutes later, Rae feeling considerably happier.

_Lovely Finn. He always knows what to say. _

When Rae returned to the table, Karim was rocking Aiesha and Linda was holding a dress with a big expectant grin on her face.

_It were the most beautiful dress I'd ever seen._

_I didn't think that someone like me should wear it._

"You like it?" Linda fussed.

_I loved it!_

"Mum how can we afford that?"

"Oh don't worry about that, it's for your birthday!" She was pleased.

Rae gave her mum a hug and then looked at the dress.

"It's so pretty." Rae said wiping the remnants of tears from her face and touching the fabric.

"Try it on then."

"Wear for lunch?" Karim asked with a big smile.

_Wear for lunch? _

_You bet I was wearing this to lunch._

"Thank you!" She hugged Karim and her mum again before taking the dress up to her room to try it on.

It was red.

Like the red in the roses sitting on her bedside table.

It had cap sleeves and a sweetheart neckline. It was cinched under the bust with a black belt, before it flared out into metres and metres of fabric that fell beautifully to her knees. When Rae twirled, the skirt spun up like she was from the 50s. She laughed, loving the dress, and looked at herself in the mirror.

_Bloody hell, look at me tits!_

Rae pulled a terrified grimace at her cleavage.

"Well this is too low." She fretted as she tried to stuff her boobs into the top self-consciously.

And then an image of Chloe and Izzy trying to get her top lower in the bathroom of the pub came to her.

_No. Just stop Rae._

She stopped and looked at herself properly.

"It's fine. You're fine. You're perfect."

_'Mysterious Ways' by U2_

Finn stood nervously at the door, a simple black box in his hands. He had tied a ribbon around the box and he was looking at it now, feeling self-conscious. He took it off and stuffed it in his pocket. He bit his bottom lip and looked at how bare the box looked now, his eyebrows furrowed, worried.

She opened the door and his mind literally stopped.

_What is he doing here? He's so early. _

Linda and Karim had taken Aiesha to the doctor and would be back in half an hour, with just 10 minutes to spare before guests would start showing up.

He took in her face, a small dusting of makeup, her hair gathered into a tussled ponytail, but he couldn't stop his eyes from crawling down her body. Her bare neck, the cleavage and the redness of the dress against her pale skin.

_It were the first time I'd seen him really, really look at my body. He was always careful to keep his eyes on my face when I were naked. Sometimes it made me self-conscious that he didn't look, and sometimes I were glad he didn't. _

_But I could tell that this time he couldn't help himself. _

_And I really liked it. _

He swallowed hard and cleared his throat.

"I like your dress." He said with a husky voice.

"It were a present from me mum." His eyes travelled slowly up her body back to her smiling face.

"Can I come in?"

"I thought you were supposed to be at work?" She asked with a suspicion growing.

"No, I organised for your mum and Karim to give us some time alone."

"You what?" Rae was scandalised. So now her mum and her lover were organising shag times for her?

"So I could give you this in private." He said as he held up the box.

"Oh. Right." She answered, relieved, disappointed and excitedly expectant all at the same time.

_A shag would have been nice._

_But I were a bit curious as to what were in that black box._

She moved out of his way so he could get in.

They sat down on the lounge and Finn wiped his palms on his jeans before turning to her.

"This is just the first of a couple of presents." He said nervously, "so if you don't like it… it's fine."

"I know I'll love it Finn."

He nodded anxiously and handed the box to her.

He bit the inside of his mouth and watched her face closely as she looked down at the plain black box.

He felt as if his heart stopped from fear and nervousness as she opened the box.

_It were beautiful._

_I could barely believe me own eyes._

Two slender, silver chains, woven around each other with a large black diamond pendant.

Rae felt her jaw drop.

She looked closer at the chain, each link of the two chains was carefully connected to a link in the other chain. But they were so fine that together they were as thick as one normal chain.

And the black diamond pendant was exquisitely designed, held to the necklaces by silver that swirled around the top half of the teardrop shaped diamond.

She looked up at him with a stunned expression.

"Finn." She breathed before looking back down at it.

"It alright?" He asked anxiously.

She nodded.

"Can I put it on you?" He asked sheepishly.

Rae nodded again, unable to find her breath or voice.

He smiled nervously and lifted the necklace from the box.

"So um… I had the chain made for you, when we first started going out." He looked up at her and then back down at the chain quickly, "There's two chains, you know, one of them means you, and the other means me." He ended with a scared shrug.

Rae felt tears starting to form in her eyes as Finn undid the necklace and then reached out to her, placing it around her neck. The tears started to drip down her cheeks when she felt the weight of the diamond sitting on the centre of her chest, sparkling above her cleavage. And her hand shot up to touch it.

"The diamond…" He hesitated afraid of what she might think, so he focused on the insignificant details, "Well the jeweller said it's 7 karats, whatever that means, and pretty much perfect…" he lowered his eyes and bit his bottom lip, "like you."

"Finn…" she breathed.

"Um… it um… it belonged to me great Gran-ma. She got it from her parents when she finished university." Finn touched it with his fingertips and then laid his hand flat on her chest, feeling her heartbeat. "She gave it to me Nan on her 18th birthday. I remember me Nan wearing it all the time. It were her favourite necklace. She said that since it were only boys she had she was waiting for a girl grandchild to give it to. But there were none – all boys." Finn grinned as if apologetically, "So when she were in hospital, she gave it to me. Told me to get it a new chain and give it to someone special." His eyes flicked up to her face. Tears leaving mascara trails down her face.

"It alright?" He asked urgently, afraid, and searched her face for clues.

"It's perfect." She could barely breathe already, but when the smile he gave her in return lit up Finn's eyes, she was sure she'd pass out from oxygen deprivation.

_And then he kissed me._

_Like I'd done him a favour for liking me present. _

_He kissed me like it were his first kiss, urgent, hungry. _

_I wanted to shag him right there on the lounge, but I knew me mum would be back soon. _

"It's so beautiful Finn. I can't believe it." Rae gushed when he stopped kissing her. She jumped up and went to the bathroom to look in the mirror. "I really can't believe it." The words barely left her mouth as her eyes stared, transfixed on the stone. He watched her reflection as she gently touched the necklace and shook her head in disbelief. Her face alight, her eyes sparkling.

"This must have been so expensive."

"I dunno." Finn answered with a shrug.

"You got the chain done when we first started going out?" She turned to him and he noticed the way her skirt flared out as she moved, revealing the bare skin of her thighs.

"Aye, for your birthday. But… we broke up."

"And you kept it?" He nodded his head slowly.

"A bit pathetic hey?"

"No." She put her arms around his neck, "This is the most beautiful thing on the whole planet Finn."

"So you like it, even though the diamond were me Nan's?" He sought her approval again.

"Yes Finn. I love it." She kissed him forcefully and enjoyed the feel of his hands sneaking up her body, pulling her dress up as they went. "I'll never take it off." She whispered in between Finn's increasingly urgent kisses.

"I gotta fix me face before people get here." He moaned, frustrated, in response as she turned back to the mirror. He kept his hands on her body and kissed her neck, his hand sliding up to her breasts, as she started to fix her makeup.

She wiped the mascara tear tracks off her face and had started to reapply her eye makeup when he put his lips near her ear.

"Forgotten about Oasis?' He teased.

"Who are they?" She asked innocently as she turned to kiss him. He lifted her gently and at her on the basin, Sliding one hand up her inner thighs while the other cupped her round arse. His fingers slid over the silky material of her knickers.

"Hmmm. These feel nice." He breathed as he bit her bottom lip gently. He rubbed her through her underwear momentarily before slipping them aside and groaning appreciatively at how wet and warm she was. He licked her lips softly, reminding her of what he promised to do

_The next time we're alone Rae Earl, I'm going to lick your cunt for so long, you won't be able to walk for an hour after_

She whimpered slightly as he slid his fingers over her clitoris and then inside of her. She felt his hard cock through his jeans and unzipped his fly, slipping her hand into his boxers to grasp him. He groaned as he kissed her mouth hard.

"Do we have time to fuck?" He whispered in between kisses.

"I don't think so."

They were still kissing, Rae sitting on the basin, one of Finn's hands up her skirt, fingering her around her silky underwear, when Linda walked in.

"Oi you two!" She threw a bag of disposable nappies at Finn, hitting him on the back of the head, "guests'll be here soon." She said as she went upstairs to Aisha's room to put her in the crib. Finn started to laugh as Rae moaned with frustration this time.

"How close were you?" He whispered.

"Almost as close as the red cabbage time." They laughed and Finn picked up the nappies as they went out into the lounge room. He put them on the lounge and followed Rae into the kitchen where she was starting to get the cutlery together.

Linda walked in to see them flirting and laughing together as they set the table. It was wonderful to see Rae so happy. Her eyes dropped to the necklace and lingered on it for a few moments in disbelief before she spoke.

"Bloody hell Finn." She breathed eventually. They both looked up at Linda, "is that real?" Linda exclaimed nodding towards the black diamond. Rae's hand crept up to clasp it and Finn looked over at it.

"I suppose it is?" He asked innocently, "I don't really know anything about it other than it were me Nan's. It's worth a lot to me because of that." He lowered his eyes anxiously again.

Linda glanced over to Karim and they shared a knowing look, as Rae, still holding the diamond, leaned in to kiss Finn.

"It's worth a lot to me too." She said softly, so no one but Finn could hear her, "are you sure you want to give it to me? It were your Nan's."

"Yeah. I want you to have this Rae Earl." He gave her that unfathomable look of his and kissed her.

"Well, I'll look after it." She kissed him again as someone knocked on the door.

_I could barely take me eyes off her. She were so beautiful. But there's no words I could ever say that would express what I felt, what I think, what I see when I look at her. _

_Elsa's words were still in the back of me mind, and I were thinking on it. But how could I really think on it, when she were just so perfect? _

_I were chuffed that she liked me present. _

_The way it made me feel to see it around her neck, well it put things into perspective. _

_When I took it to the jeweller to get the new chain, he thought I'd stolen it. He offered to buy it too. _

_But there were no way this diamond were leaving my family. _

"Oh my god Rae!" Chloe gushed over how good Rae looked and Izzy joined in, and then their eyes fixated on the diamond.

Chop, Archie, and Finn sat together as the girls banged on about Finn's gift.

"Probably should have given the other presents first." Archie said quietly.

"Then I wouldn't'a had anything solid to give her today." Finn shrugged, "She'll like the other presents too."

"Yeah but after that thing around her neck, the other presents might seem underwhelming."

"No. Rae's not like that. She'll love them." Finn assured them all, himself included.

"That reminds me," Chop reached into his pocket and withdrew a set of keys. "Everything's organised."

"Thanks Chop."

They listened to Chloe saying that a diamond like that would be worth more than her car and Archie and Chop turned their eyes to Finn for confirmation or denial of Chloe's claim. When Finn said nothing Chop and Archie exchanged a glance.

"How much is that diamond worth?" Archie asked quietly.

"More than all her other presents. But I'm not telling you two twats an actual amount, you'll never keep your mouths shut." Finn answered softly. "Besides, I don't care if she thinks it's worth ten quid or worth a million quid, as long as she knows it belonged to me Nan, and that's why it matters."

_I love the way her hand kept going up to it. _

_And how her eyes would seek me out when we were apart._

"That's quite a gift." Archie said looking at Finn meaningfully.

"Yeah!" Chop agreed thinking about the money. But Archie caught Finn's eye and gave him a meaningful look.

Finn nodded that he understood Archie's meaning.

_'Our Lips Are Sealed' by The Go Go's_

_Me birthday lunch were real nice, it were hard to stick to me diet when all the food was so brilliant. _

_There were no presents, which was a little unexpected, but I had me dress from Mum, and me necklace from Finn, and the gang said they'd shout the drinks tonight, so that was actually pretty good. _

_Everything was going so well that I started to get nervous and wonder when the shit would hit the fan._

_But everything went ok. _

_Except for when me mum decided that she'd feed Aiesha at the table cos she didn't want to miss me blowing out me candles. _

_Half me bloody birthday photos will have me mum's knockers hanging out in them!_

_Me insides were jittery at the pub. The plan was going off without a hitch so far. _

_Chloe had left on time – 'to go home' – and now I just had to wait for her to come back. _

_I had to physically stop myself from looking at the clock over the bar every ten seconds. _

_I tried to laugh at Chop's jokes and to not fidget too much, I tried to not show that the time were getting on and how that bothered me. _

_Come on Chloe… _

_Where are you?_

Finn tried to take his mind off the time by looking around the pub. He noticed a few guys looking over at their table and put his arm jealously around Rae's shoulders. She leaned into him, still joking with Chop and let her hand fall onto his thigh.

His insides squirmed with anticipation.

_Tonight I'm gonna do something that I've never done before. _

_I've read about it, seen it done of plenty of times in films. _

_But never done it myself. _

_I've wanted to do it, I suppose. But not like how I want to do it now. _

_I still had hours to wait though. _

_Her hand on me thigh is doing me head in._

_You're acting like a fucking virgin Finn!_

_Fuck. Relax. _

_What's the fucking time?_

Finn licked his bottom lip and turned to look at Rae laughing at Archie. One hand on his thigh, the other holding the diamond. And then he saw Chloe by the door, smiling broadly, giving him the thumbs up.

"Right," he stood up. "Time to go."

"What?" Rae asked looking disappointed.

"I've got somewhere to take you." He said as he took her hand. Izzy jumped up and ran over to Chloe, Chop and Archie sauntered over and opened up the double doors wide so that the limousine waiting outside could be seen. Rae turned and saw the gang assembled at the door, waiting for her, and then she saw the limo.

"What the hell is this?" She asked Finn. He replied with a satisfied grin and motioned for her to come with him.

"Were you all in on this?" She asked the rest of them, stunned at their proud faces, "how'd you all plan it without me knowing? And in so short a time?"

"Well Finn had already planned some of it before he," Archie paused, realising what he was about to say, "you know… went to Leeds" Archie finished cautiously, "so it was just picking up the old plans." He shrugged.

She turned to see Finn's satisfied grin take on a touch of smugness.

"I packed your stuff babe, and made sure your mum knew everything that was going on." Chloe said as she handed her a big backpack, "and mine and Izzy's birthday pressies for you are in there too."

"I paid for the limo." Archie said as he opened the door for her. "Happy birthday Rae."

"And I got the accommodations." Chop grinned and kissed her on the cheek. "Have a good weekend love."

She got into the limo in a daze, Finn jumped in beside her.

"Thanks guys!" She said as she leaned over Finn and looked out at the gang. "Thank you!"

Finn slid his hand over her arse as she said her goodbyes and starting playing with the idea of putting his hand up her skirt and feeling her again through those silky underpants she had on. He couldn't wait to see them, they felt nice.

The limo drove off and Finn checked the time with the driver. They were still on time.

_Everything was going exactly to plan._

_'The Mercy Seat' by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds (digital re-master)_

_I can't do it. _

Rae looked at the airport looming up in front of her.

_I've been never been on a plane before. But me mum said that her friend Mavis can't fit in the plane seats._

_What if I can't fit in the plane seats?_

_What if people look at me?_

_What if people laugh?_

Rae had an image of a gorgeous flight stewardess smiling with pity as she tried to help wedge Rae into the plane seat while two equally gorgeous stewardesses whispered and laughed behind her.

_Look at all the people._

_There's so many people._

A statuesque, slender, blond woman walked past wearing a stewardess uniform.

_Oh my god…_

_They really are beautiful._

_And there's so many people. _

_And where are we going._

_Oh god Finn's looking at me._

_And so the stewardess._

_And that guy over there._

_And…_

_And…_

_Oh no. Not here. _

Finn noticed her holding his hand tightly as the limo pulled away from them. He saw her looking around, her eyes darting from place to the next, her breath coming in short sharp silent gasps.

"Rae." He said softly, "Rae, look at me. Don't look out there, look at me." He reached down and put her other hand on his chest.

"I'm right here." He soothed.

_Put your hands on something solid. _

_Rae._

_Put your hands on something solid. _

She put both of hands on his chest and looked at his calm face. There was no impatience, no judgement, just calm reassurance.

"You're ok. It's fine." He continued calmly. She tried to nod, tried to say that she was ok, tried to laugh but the feeling of panic rose, intensified the more she tried to comfort him, the more she tried to say she was ok. She looked back towards the airport. The stewardess was looking over concerned.

_Oh god. Don't look at me._

"Rae. Look at me." He said as he softly guided her face to be pointed at him. He noticed that her panic seemed to lessen when her hands where on his chest and when she wasn't looking at the other people.

"We're ok. Everything's fine. Just keep looking at me. Ok?" She finally managed to nod, the panic closing her throat. He smiled reassuringly. "It's not a problem, we got heaps of time. We can take as long as you need ok?" Finn pushed aside the fact that they were running a little late and stroked her hair gently. "You're doing great." He didn't understand what was happening with her, but he knew that certain things he did were helping her deal with it. Her fingers curled in on themselves as they rested on his chest.

"Let's go." She said through gritted teeth.

"To the plane or home?" He asked with as little emotion in his voice as he could manage. He so wanted to go the plane, to have the weekend he'd planned. But he resolved to show no disappointment if they had to leave and go home.

"Plane." He voice was strangled, and he realised what a struggle this was for her.

"We can go home if you need?"

"Nope." Tears were in her eyes and her breathing was so rapid he worried she'd pass out.

"I'll just get the bags ok?" She nodded, and he bent down and grabbed both bags with one hand, and then took her hand with his other. "You keep looking at me, and I'll make sure you don't bang into nothing right?"

She nodded shakily.

"I'm sorry." She gasped.

"Don't be daft!" He said with a grin, "it's fine. I'm here, you're here, and we're ok." Rae nodded and squeezed his hand hard.

_I can't believe I were having a panic attack in front of Finn._

_I can't believe he were handling it so well._

_I have to keep it together, I can't let it spiral out of control. But I know thinking like that makes it worse. _

She stopped him and put her hand back on his chest, keeping her eyes on his calm face.

_I can feel his heart beat._

_Thud thud_

_Thud thud_

_Thud thud_

_Thud thud_

_It's so soothing. _

_I can feel me own heartbeat slowing down to match his. _

_I could stay here in the rhythm of his heartbeat forever._

Finn watched her close her eyes and take some deep shaky breaths and his eyes fell to her hand lying over his heart.

"Here," Finn said with understanding as he took the hand she was squeezing his hand with and put it around his wrist, "you feel me pulse? It's good?" She nodded. "Keep looking at me, let's try walking again yeah?"

_His pulse was soothing, but not as soothing as his heartbeat. I had to take deep breaths and keep my eyes on him._

_He took a leisurely pace and kept slowly flicking his eyes between my face and the path ahead._

_Somehow he got me on the plane like this. I don't remember him talking to people about checked luggage or even getting onto the plane. _

_I do remember his kind face._

_His patience with me._

_His heartbeat. _

_I know I stopped him several times to put my hand on his chest, and not once did he show the slightest sign of anything being wrong with me._

_And even when we were the last people on the plane, he took it all and said nothing disparaging in return. _

_I don't even remember the plane taking off, I just remember him putting my hand on his chest, and stroking the hair from my sweaty forehead with so much tenderness._

_I remember him kissing my lips softly and speaking calmly as he did up my seatbelt for me._

_I remember his eyes and his heartbeat. _

They were on the plane for some time before Rae started to settle down and started to wonder where they were going.

It took a lot longer still before she was brave enough to speak to him.

_I were so embarrassed._

_I must've looked a fool clinging on to him and staring at him as we walked. _

But he was holding her hand firmly, his eyes scanning the in-flight safety information, obviously worrying if she was ok, but trying to not crowd her or stare at her.

"I'm sorry." She said finally.

"I told you Rae, it's fine. I don't mind that you've got stuff."

"Yeah but you shouldn't have to be dragged into it."

"But I wantta be dragged into it. You're me girl Rae. Wherever you are, I am." He kissed her forehead and ran his fingers down her face, her neck, and then along the chain to the diamond. "It looks good on you." He murmured as he put his face to hers and kissed her gently.

_We kissed until the air hostess came and offered us drinks. _

_I don't know how long that was, but I noticed the passenger behind us giving me a dirty look when I shifted to look around._

"Where you just kissing me so I wouldn't ask you where we're going?" He grinned while still biting his bottom lip and nodded. He leaned in to kiss her again.

"No Finn! Where are we going?" She batted his arm softly.

"Um… somewhere with a beautiful mountain, a nice lake, some forests, and snow… and seclusion…"

"It sounds perfect."

"It's called Sutherland."

"Scotland?"

"Aye. I think I'll wander around in a kilt, and get me tackle out." He teased. And she laughed.

"I've never been anywhere before."

_It were so exciting. _

_I wonder what kind of place we'll be staying in. _

_Might even be camping. _

"How'd you afford all of this Finn?"

"Well, I work. And I've worked for a few months now. And me dad still gives me an allowance… and I've never paid any bills… so I saved quite a bit. And there's no one better than you to spend it on. I only had t'pay for the plane tickets." He shrugged, "the gang were right in on it."

"But… it's so much…"

"Nah… plus did you know Chop's from a rich family?"

"No. Really?"

"Aye. That's why he got the most expensive bit. And it didn't even cost him nought."

"You what?"

"His family owns the house we're gonna stay in."

Rae laughed and looked out the window.

"Wow. Look at it." Finn leaned over her and put his face next to hers so they could both see. "It's beautiful."

_I were so glad I got through me panic attack. _

_If it weren't for Finn, I never would have seen the earth from so high up. _

_Fields and houses and forests moved by beneath us_

_It were the best birthday ever, and it hadn't even finished yet. _

_'Never Tear Us Apart' by Inxs_

_There were another limo waiting for us in Scotland. _

_Oh Archie, this must have cost him a packet. _

After a long drive, they pulled up at a large double storey stone house in the dwindling sunlight. Rae looked around but couldn't see another house as far as she could see.

There was a light sprinkling of snow falling and the house was lit up and looked warm and inviting.

_I looked over at Finn, snowflakes melting in his hair, cold fog escaping his mouth every time he breathed out, and I knew that I loved him._

_I'd said it before. Not to him. But to myself. I'd written it down. Thought I understood it._

_But no. It was that moment, as his eyes appraised the house and then turned to me, unsure, hoping I'd like it. _

_I was in love. _

_I was in love with Finn Nelson._

_And I knew I always would be._

_I'd thought about being with him forever before. But not like this. _

_Now I saw a mortgage, I saw children, I saw all that grown up stuff. And it didn't scare me. I wanted it with him. And more. _

He grabbed the bags, again in one hand, and reached his other one out to her. She stepped up to him and kissed him.

_I didn't know how to say what I felt. _

_My words always failed me with Finn. _

_But never more than right now._

_I wanted to kiss him in such a way as he'd just know how much I love him. How much I were his. How much I couldn't be without him. _

_I needed him more than I needed the air in my lungs, and I kissed him desperately wanting him to feel it from me. _

"Alright girl?" His voice was husky again as she pulled away from him.

"Yeah." She took his hand and they walked up to the house.

Finn took out the keys that Chop had given him and opened the doors.

Chop had organised for some people from the village to come and set the place up for them.

The entrance area was tiled and featured a sweeping set of grand stairs. Finn opened a set of massive French doors to the right and they looked into a beautiful sitting room, with a roaring fire. Rae turned and opened the French doors to the left to find a massive kitchen and eating space filled with helium balloons saying 'happy birthday Rae' and streamers.

Finn licked his bottom lip and took her hand again, leading her up the stairs.

At the top of the stairs wild flowers had been laid on the floor, creating a path to the master bedroom.

Finn kept watching her reactions from the corner of his eye as each step they took released the sweet perfume of the flowers. He opened the doors to the master bedroom and Rae followed him in.

She turned to look at the dozens of vases filled with wild flowers in the room and turned back to him.

"You planned all of this?"

"Not the balloons; that were the girls. But the flowers, aye."

"Ensuite's not as good as yours." He said cheekily as he motioned for her to look. It had a massive spa bath, Finn could have lied down flat in it, and a walk in shower. Both the bedroom and the bathroom had a massive window looking out over a lake surrounded by snow-capped mountains, the sun setting behind them. She could see the frozen lake shimmering in the light, the snow kissed trees moving gently in the breeze. It was a breathtaking view.

She turned back to Finn who was sitting on the king size bed and looking at a chocolate cupcake with a sparkler in it that had been left on the bed.

He took out his Lighter and lit the sparkler.

"Happy birthday to you." He sung softly, his eyes on hers, "happy birthday to you." She bit her bottom lip and shook her head in amazement, smiling, "Happy birthday Miss Earl. Happy birthday to you."

He stood and brought the cupcake to her, but she threw her arms round his neck and kissed him.

"This is brilliant!"

"We've got the place to ourselves until Monday."

She turned to look at the view again, her dress swishing about her knees intoxicatingly, he felt his body respond to the way her body moved as she looked around happily.

"It's perfect Finn. Thank you!"

"Apparently they've got a heated pool outside too." He tried to sound casual.

"Not in this bloody weather."

"I think it's covered."

Finn seemed nervous, he wiped his palms on his jeans and bit his lip.

"We might have to visit it then." Rae changed her tune. Finn grinned and turned to make sure the fire in their room was good.

"Let me cook some dinner for you." He offered then took her hand and led her down to the kitchen.

Rae sat at the kitchen table and watched Finn cutting up vegetables and frying meat.

"Your dad really did make you cook a lot!" Rae said impressed.

"He was at work a bit, yeah." Finn shrugged.

"I can't believe everything you've done for me today Finn. I don't deserve it."

"Yes you do." He said with a solemn face.

_I didn't argue with him._

_Not because I thought it would ruin the mood. _

_Not because I thought he wouldn't understand._

_But because I wanted to believe him. _

"Thank you." Rae looked down at her diamond grinning. Finn turned around to see her and felt his nervousness rise and his mood elate.

He put the food down in front of her and poured them both a drink.

"So here's how this weekend is going to go Miss Earl." He said quietly, he'd been practicing in his head what he would say. "You are going to do nothing, and I am going to do everything."

"You're gonna cook all my food?" She asked cheekily.

"Yep." He said grinning. "Also," he paused, his heart hammering in his chest, "I'll do whatever you say." He saw the smile on her face and knew her mind hadn't gone where he intended. "I mean…" He wiped his palms on his jeans again, "This weekend is all about your pleasure." Rae's eyebrows raised, "not mine." He added and bit his bottom lip. Rae stopped eating and looked at his mouth as his lip slowly slid out from under his teeth. He licked his lips and then looked down at his plate with a sly grin.

_I felt me lady bits tingling. _

_Was he implying, what I thought he were implying?_

Finn bit the inside of his cheek for a moment and steadied his nerves.

"And um… I haven't done it before… so… I might need a lot of practice."

"A lot?" Rae felt her innards tremble. And he looked up from his food with a sinuous smirk.

"Well I did say that the next time we was alone I'd lick your cunt for so long you wouldn't be able to walk for an hour after." He paused and let his eyes travel down her body, then back up to her face, "I meant it."

_'Closer' by Nine Inch nails_

Finn bit his bottom lip and watched her dance to the loud music. They were both a little drunk, and the music he'd chosen was kinda dirty. Deliberately so. He watched the way her body moved under that red dress, feeling the room move with her as the alcohol messed with his senses.

She drank vodka from the bottle, and her hair was loose, swaying around her head as she danced, rocking her head from side to side, the alcohol making her body loose and her head giddy.

He went to her, moved his body in time with hers, reached his hand back and slowly unzipped the dress. Once the zip was undone she looked him in the eye and danced backwards from him. When she knew he could see her properly she let the dress fall to the floor, she swayed her hips and raised her hands above her head and danced with no self-consciousness, her whole body fluid and rhythmic, grinding with the music. Finn saw the see-through underpants, green, and the matching bra and groaned with desire. He took her firmly into his arms and kissed her lips roughly, she returned it, their kissing messy and ferocious, their bodies grinding into each other to the rhythm of the bass. Finn kissed her neck with wet open mouthed kissed, licking the salt from her skin. He slid the straps of her bra down so he could kiss her shoulders and tried to get his drunk fingers to unhook the bra as he kissed her chest.

The bra was thrown across the room and he tried to make love to her breasts with his mouth, his hands squeezing them tightly together while he buried his face in between their soft curves.

Rae felt like every nerve in her body was alive, everywhere he touched her was shooting pleasure through her whole being. Her head swam and her body wouldn't stop moving to the music. Finn fell to his knees before her dancing form and she looked down at him through her hair as it fluttered around her face. She grabbed his hair and he rolled his head around as she moved it from side to side.

"Are you gonna fuck me with your face? Your beautiful face…" She felt his hands reach up to her underpants and slip them down over her hips. They fell around her ankles, while Finn kissed and licked her stomach, working down to her cunt.

_My… cunt…_

Rae's mind said the words over and over again as Finn rubbed his mouth into her vulva, while she stood there, head thrown back, hands in his hair, her hips grinding in time to the music, her underpants around her ankles.

"Sit the fuck down." Finn said gruffly and she stumbled to the lounge. She had barely sat down and he was there, spreading her legs with his strong hands, pushing her back so he could get at her cunt. He licked her inner thighs, biting and kissing as he worked towards her vagina. She thrust her hips towards his mouth.

He felt his nerves kicking in, even as the alcohol soothed them. He wanted to do this right, he wanted to make her scream his fucking name. He wanted to tease her until she was begging him to eat her.

He could smell her and he felt his mouth water.

"Oh fuck." He groaned as her hips strained up pushing her cunt towards his mouth and he couldn't wait anymore, he licked her vagina with his whole tongue, loving the way her legs shuddered when his tongue covered her clitoris. He heard her groan loudly as he licked her whole vagina again, messily, getting her juices all over his face. He pushed her legs further apart and pushed his face into her cunt further; licking, sucking, gently biting her clitoris and slowly building up a rhythm as her moans intensified. He wanted to make love to her cunt with his mouth, no, he wanted to fuck her cunt with his mouth, he licked all of her vagina, enjoying the taste of her cum and the movements she made as she pulled his hair viciously. He slid first one and then two fingers inside of her, and instead of his thumb on her clitoris it was his mouth, his tongue.

She grabbed his hair harder and ground her cunt into his face, riding him and he licked faster as he heard her gasping loudly, saw her stomach tense up and then felt her legs shuddering.

_His face on my… cunt… was the most sexy thing I will ever experience. He ate me like a man who hadn't had food in a decade. When I came, I rode his face like a bucking horse. _

_And I screamed. _

Her gasps came out in ragged, loud moans drowning out the music. Her whole body shook as pleasure took her. Finn licked more, wanting her to ride the orgasm for as long as possible.

She lay there panting, and watching Finn lick his fingers, still fully dressed.

"Get your fucking clothes off." She slurred her order drunkenly. He took his shirt off, ripping the seams as he did and frantically pulled his jeans down. He slid into her wet snatch while he was still keeling on the floor. She sat up on the lounge and moved closer to him. He held her legs around his waist so he could drive into her deeper and harder. He moved his legs up her thighs until he grabbed her arse and hammered his cock into her almost violently, never taking his eyes off hers as she gasped loudly. When he came he let out a triumphant groan and collapsed, panting hard onto the floor. His pants still around his ankles. Rae collapsed back onto the lounge, panting, her body tingling.

"Holy… Fuck… Rae…" He gasped. After a few moments he got up and snaked his way up her body till he was on top of her, he kissed her and stroked her hair.

"Let's shower, clean up, then I wanna do that again, but slower. Is that alright with you? Cos you know, I'll do whatever you want."

"Well Finn, you were right, you'll need to practice… at least another dozen times. If not more." She teased.

"Good." His smile was so sexy and Rae kissed him, feeling her insides wanting him again already. "Let's go." She murmured. He felt his head swim as he tried to get up and sat back down hard on the lounge.

"Fuck I'm drunk!" Rae laughed as she lay on the lounge and he laid his head on her stomach. _I want you._ He traced on her thigh. She laid her hands across his shoulders as he started to kiss her stomach and thighs slowly, passionately, urgently.

"Let's shower?"

Rae nodded and got up, following upstairs to the bedroom.

_Dear Diary_

_I didn't sleep last night. I haven't slept yet. And I'm fairly certain that after he cooks breakfast, Finn's gonna go down again. _

_It's brilliant. He's eaten my cunt so much over the last 10 hours that he could probably paint it from memory. His jaw must be fucking broken. Poor lad. _

_I'll only make him go down a few times today…_

_Before I knew Finn, I wouldn't even write the word 'cunt' in my diary; I never said. It were too dirty. _

_But last night I screamed for him to eat my cunt so loudly that if we'd been in Stamford, everyone in the entirety of Lincolnshire would have heard it. _

_He knows how dirty it is too. He only ever says it when he wants to have dirty sex – when he wants to fuck. When we're making love, he's all sweetness and innocence, and you'd never believe he even knew the word. _

_It's so weird what people are like when you're alone with them. I bet none of the gang would ever believe the way Finn can fuck like a jackhammer. _

_I bet none of them would have guessed I was a fucking screamer. I knew I moaned loudly sometimes. But last night I think I loosened the foundations of the house. _

_The best bit was when we came upstairs, after we showered, he laid down on the bed and asked me to ride his face. I put one knee on either side of his head and he held my arse and licked me out and I looked down at him, and I could see his diamond hanging round my neck and his eyes staring lustily at me while his tongue went to work. Oh it were heaven Diary. After I came he rolled me onto to my back and had at me again. _

_Then we got in the spa bath, and he couldn't stop touching me and kissing me. He acts like I'm Cindy Crawford or something; the way he looks at me. _

_If I think about it too hard, I keep thinking it mustn't be real. _

_'Get Off' by Prince_

"You started unpacking?" Finn put the tray with breakfast down on the bed and nodded at Rae's diary.

"Yeah."

"What'd the girls get you for your birthday?"

"I dunno."

_I watched her scramble up and go to her bag. _

_God… look at that arse. _

_I just wantta sink me teeth into her arse. _

_Don't stare Finn, it's creepy. _

Finn sighed to himself lustily and looked back at the food.

"Bacon's waiting." He said as he sprawled across the bed and grabbed some with his fingers.

Rae held up the underwear.

"Holy fuck."

"What is it?"

"They got me a set of black lingerie."

Finn sat up instantly.

"Oh yeah, like the green set?"

"Did you like 'em… did you like me in 'em?"

_Did I like her in 'em?_

_What is this girl doing to me?_

_I wanna fuck like a rabbit whenever she's around and she still asks me if I like her. _

_I wonder if she realises that I can barely talk, me jaw's that sore, but if I don't go down on her again soon, I might die._

_Say something Finn_

"Yeah."

_But then I remembered that she don't like being seen naked and how she hates her body, and I knew I had to stop lusting after her so much, had to stop focusing on her body; it makes her self-conscious._

"But you know, girls are more than their bodies, so…"

Finn shrugged and Rae scrunched her face up at him before turning back to her bag.

_That'll help – she'll see that I love her for more than just her body. I do like the way the sun makes her skin look. And I like the way her tits move when she does stuff, and the marks on her stomach… I'll have to ask her what they are. They don't look like the marks on her thighs._

Finn's eyes fell to the scars on her thighs and his silent lusting for Rae ceased.

_She hates herself so much. _

_How can I ever make her see…?_

Suddenly Elsa's words came back to him. Could he really handle Rae's world? All the pain, all the intensity, the emotion.

"Oh my bloody god!" Rae said as she pulled out a small gift basket. Finn looked up at her surprised face.

"What is it?"

Rae looked aghast at Finn and then back at the basket.

"It's a sex hamper!" She pulled out the contents, "Condoms, lubrication, massage oil, bath oils,"

"We can use them in the spa."

"A vibrator, excellent choice, batteries, bless Chloe and Izzy" She laughed, "and what the fuck is this?" She held up a butt plug and Finn felt his face go red.

"Um… that's… for… you know… anal sex…" He stuttered.

"Anal se-" Rae dropped it and stared at it for a moment before looking up at Finn, her mouth open in shock.

"Is that something… boys like?"

"I suppose." Finn fidgeted and struggled to make eye contact, "I've never done it, so I can't say…"

"Do you want to?" Rae asked aghast.

"I dunno. Maybe. If you wanted. But if you don't that's alright."

Rae lowered her eyes to look at the butt plug.

"That thing is never going near my arse. Look at the fucking size of it!"

Finn laughed embarrassedly.

"Fair enough. I wouldn't put it near mine either."

"But… you'd wantta… you know…?"

"I don't know." He shrugged, "I kinda wantta do everything with you." He bit the inside of his mouth and looked down at his hands.

"Yeah, well… I'll think about it… but I'm leaning towards no fucking way. I'm sorry if that's-"

"That's fine. I really don't mind." He reached out and touched her face, "really." He assured her. "I never really thought about it till Chloe and Izzy gave us that little gift." He pulled a 'what-the-fuck' and looked at the butt plug face and Rae started to laugh.

"I bet the butt plug were Chloe's idea."

"I dunno, Izzy's clearly a deviant." Finn joked.

Rae looked at the CD player with a bemused look.

"Prince?" She asked.

"Aye, it's dirty. And I wanna be dirty with you." He motioned for her to get in and she sat on the edge of the pool.

Snow fell on the glass ceiling of the pool house. And Finn swam naked in the heated water.

"Did you just pack a bag of dirty CDs?"

"No… but a lot of 'em are pretty dirty." He smirked.

"Are you trying to use music to seduce me Finnley?"

"Any means necessary Miss Earl." He swam up to her and started to kiss the inside of her thigh. She slid into the warm water and felt his strong arms embrace her.

"You give me your Nan's necklace, bring me away for a dirty weekend… what are you gonna do when I turn 18?" They moved together in the water and Finn screwed up his face in consideration.

"Dunno." He answered truthfully, "but I'll think of something."

_I love that he thinks we might still be together in a year._

_It makes me insides squiggle. _

_I love him so much._

_I love the way his hands move over me body._

_I love the way he looks at me._

_I love his smile._

_I love those looks he gets in his eyes that I can't understand._

_I love the way he strokes my face, and me hair._

_I love the things he does for me, and the way he talks to me._

_I love how kind he is, how good he is._

_I wish I could say it all. _

_But whenever I got something important to say me mouth always stops, and me words dry up. _

"What are you thinking Rae?"

"Nothing. Except, it's been way too long since you kissed me."

That familiar grin, the one filled with love and intimacy spread across his face as he nodded his agreement and tilted his face to hers. Their lips touched softly, his hand on the back of her neck, playing with the wet strands of hair, her hands on his back. When their lips parted, their foreheads touching, both of them looking down at the other's lips, Rae felt those words on her lips. Felt herself wanting to say them.

_I love you Finn._

"I want you inside me. Now."

Finn nodded slowly, like he was in a daze, and ran his hands down her body, past her hips to her thighs. He pulled her legs up to be around his waist.

_I love the way me body feels in the water, all light, like I could do anything._

_And I had to admit that Prince were a good choice for all the things I wanted to do to him. _

_Especially when Finn looks at me like that, I know what that look means. _

Rae reached down and guided Finn's cock into her, Finn grinned lustily, surprised by her taking the lead.

She slid herself up and down his cock while he stood, holding her arse and watching her face, her tits, her body move as she rode him, her body pressed against his, the water lapping against them.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and Finn buried his face in her tits, kissing, licking and biting her nipples until they were so hard they hurt.

"Oh fuck." He groaned appreciatively as she raised her hands above her head and locked her eyes on his, biting her bottom lip, sex etched into her features, lusty moans emanating from her mouth every time he slid into her.

_Look at his face._

_Look at his mouth._

Rae kissed his mouth passionately, almost vehemently and Finn groaned loudly in response.

She turned her mouth to his neck and tasted the sweat of his skin and the salt of the pool mingled on his smooth flesh.

"I want you to fuck me Finn, as hard as you can." She whispered in his ear. He turned his face to look at her eyes, a sinuous look on his face.

"As you wish Miss Earl." He breathed as he fumbled, stumbled his way to shallower water and then slammed Rae into the pool wall. She gasped loudly with excited shock.

He lifted her out of the water a little, the muscles on his arms standing out in tight ropes and drove into her aggressively. She leaned back over the top of the pool and raised her hips to him and he dug his fingers into her hips and thrust harder still, waiting for her breath to start gasping out of her in stunned groans of pleasure. Finn watched the way her tits moved, the way her head was thrown back the way her throat worked as she moaned, the water dripping from her skin and came with a loud cry. She slid back into the pool and kissed him while he still gasped for air.

"You'll be the fucking death of me Rae." He laughed still panting.

"Sorry." Her face showed no signs of remorse.

"Good way to die." He took her into his arms and started to kiss her again.

"I like this pool." She wrapped her legs around him again, "we haveta fuck like this again before we go."

"Oh, ok I guess." He feigned displeasure.

"I guess we don't have to." She teased.

"No it's alright. We'll do it." He pretended he was giving in to her, "I mean it your birthday weekend… I do have to do what you say." He shrugged as if he had no choice.

"That's right. You do." She ran her fingers along his mouth, "How long has it been since you went down."

"Far too long."

_'Plump' by Hole_

"Gonna eat your cupcake?" Finn asked as he picked it up. He'd lit the sparkler for her on Friday night, but they'd set about to drinking and he'd been so nervous and focussed on going down on her that he hadn't thought to actually eat it until Sunday afternoon. Rae's eyes fell on the chocolate cupcake and she shook her head.

"Not hungry."

"Good, cos I want half of it." He joked and sat down on the lounge next to her.

"You can just have all of it."

_Why is she looking at the cupcake like that? _

_She looks like she wants it. _

_Then why don't she have it?_

A sudden image entered Finn's mind and a pang in his stomach accompanied it; he remembered scraping half the dinner he'd cooked her into the bin on Friday night. And she'd barely eaten any breakfast, and at lunch she'd only had half a sandwich… And then the same of Saturday… All her meals went half eaten.

"Rae… are you eating enough?"

_Oh shit Finn… you don't just say stuff like that. _

He watched as her normally open-as-a-book eyes slowly closed in front of him.

"Yeah I'm fine."

_I know she's lying to me. _

_What do I do?_

"I just haven't seen you eat much."

"I've been eating heaps."

"Really?" He sounded sceptical.

"Remember at your place I asked for a second serving of potatoes?"

"Aye, but you only had one roast potato in the first place, and one in the second serving… both of 'em together aren't even one serving."

"You're a boy Finn – you eat a lot more than girls." She answered defensively.

Doubt crept into Finn's mind.

"Are you sure you're eating enough?" He asked uncertainly.

"I am." She smiled reassuringly.

He paused, biting the inside of his mouth and staring at her face hoping to see the truth in her eyes.

_I don't know what to believe. Am I just imagining it? Is she just eating normal for a girl?_

"Alright." He said hesitantly, "I trust you to do what's right for you Rae. Alright?"

"Ok!" She said mocking him and leaning in for a kiss. He kissed her, but a feeling of unease settled into his stomach.

She turned away and started to flick through the CDs he had brought with them and he took the opportunity to massage his jaw while she was preoccupied. The muscles in his jaw and tongue were threatening to freeze up they'd gotten so much use, but he was determined they'd be getting some more. Especially with the way she screamed when he went down. He let his eyes take in all of her for a moment as she scrunched her face up reading the track listing on a CD

_Every time I see that rainbow bathrobe all I can think about is the first time I were with her. _

They'd just finished having a very sexy spa bath and her wet hair hung down the back of the robe.

_It were everything I wanted my first time to be. I wish it had been my first time. And I didn't know if it were hers or not. It don't matter, it were our first time together. And it were perfect. Although I do wish I'd lasted longer than 7 minutes, but the way she felt underneath me, it were just too much for me to keep it in. I'm getting better control of it now. _

_I really like this bathrobe. I like the way it looks on her._

He reached out and touched the material, and that seemed to rouse Rae from her thoughts.

"Do you think you'll go to university Finn? Me mum wants to go, but I don't know."

_I love how she really wants to know what I think, the way she looks at me, like it really matters what I'm gonna say. _

"You should go, you're smart."

"So are you."

"I'm flunking English, and we live in England." He pulled a face to denote his own stupidity and how funny it was but Rae didn't laugh.

"You're not stupid Finn." She said slightly angry.

"I know, I'm just not as smart as you, is all." He shrugged.

"That's not true."

"Your marks at school are higher than all of mine."

"I can't do music."

"Aye but I hear you've got a lovely singing voice." He teased.

"Who told you?" She flushed a lovely shade of red and Finn smirked proudly.

"Izzy. Says you chose to sing Sinead O'Connor… didn't think she were your style."

He watched her lower her eyes and her shoulders slumped slightly.

"I'm sorry!" He panicked, "I didn't mean to upset you!"

"I were missing you. So… Sinead." She shrugged, not looking up. He felt his stomach drop a little. So they were finally going to talk about all of that.

"I'm sorry I went to Leeds." He began, readying himself for the long night of talking they had ahead of them.

"It's in the past. I don't wanna talk about all that." She kept her eyes lowered.

"Do you think we might need to?"

"No. We're past it Finn, aren't we?" She looked up at him resolutely.

"Yeah." He answered uncertainly.

They kissed, slowly at first, but inevitably the urgency increased and they ended up making love on the floor, Finn's CDs surrounding them.

_'Deep Fried' by Powder_

When Rae opened her eyes she saw Finn's sleepy eyes watching her face, the smile on his face widened when he saw he eyes open.

"Hi." He said softly.

"Hm." She sighed and stretched.

He was lying on his stomach, his arms folded underneath his chest, his hands folded into his neck propping his chin up awkwardly. She reached up and touched his scruffy hair.

"I'll never get tired of your bed hair Finn." He kissed her in reply, pausing to look into her eyes.

"I love waking up next to you." He whispered his lips still on hers. "It's gonna be very hard, when we leave here, to say goodnight to you, and then have go home and sleep alone, instead of next to you." He kissed her urgently, but his urgency wasn't sexual, it was a need to be close to her. They made love clinging to each other, desperately needing to be closer, always closer, to one another, as if everything were about to end and they'd never be in each other's arms again.

Rae looked at her breakfast and sulked. Finn smiled encouragingly.

"I hate that we have to leave today." She pouted miserably. Another enigmatic smile from Finn.

"I haven't even put me black lingerie on." She sighed. Finn looked up at the clock.

"We've got time for that." He grinned saucily and raised his eyebrows suggestively.

"I haven't even packed yet. When's the flight."

"Don't you worry about any of that – I've got it all sorted out."

Rae opened her mouth to talk but the phone rang. They both looked at the phone hanging on the kitchen wall as if it were alien technology.

"Oh god… do we answer it?"

"Well everyone's got this number as our contact number, so yes." Finn picked it up, and Rae listened closely.

"Hello? Oh hi." His eyes went to Rae's but gave nothing away about who was on the other end. "Yeah. Where? Ok. Yeah." Finn turned and looked at the clock. "Ok. How long will that take?" He nodded and looked back at Rae smiling, "ok. Thanks. Yeah. Bye." He turned and hung the phone up, biting his bottom lip and steadying himself before turning back to Rae; he hated lying to her, even if it was for a good reason.

"That was just the airline, the flight's been delayed. Everything's fine though."

"So what time-"

"Don't worry about it. Have you finished your breakfast?"

"Yep." Finn screwed up his face at her barely touched plate and turned his eyes back to her, "Yes, Finn, I'm full!"

"Alright. Well, I think it's about time for some black lingerie yeah?"

"Come up in about 10 minutes." She said before sauntering up the stairs. Finn did a quick clean-up of the downstairs area before heading upstairs. He checked the other rooms to make sure they were tidy and to use up his 10 minute allotment, before slowly opening the door to the master bedroom.

_'Enjoy' - Bjork_

She was looking in the mirror when he opened the door, and she didn't see him as his eyes caressed her from the doorway.

_Oh my god, it's a fucking G-string, I can't wear this in front of him. And this bra is see through, and has less than no support. _

_He has seen you naked Rae._

_Yeah but he never looks. Even when he kisses me body, he's got his eyes closed. _

_Why doesn't he look?_

_Maybe he's worried he couldn't get it up if he saw me?_

_And what about the green undies thing? He just said 'yeah' when I asked him if he liked 'em. And what does he mean by girls are more than their bodies? _

_Does that mean that he likes in spite of my body? _

_I know he can't like me because of it… but I don't want him to like me in spite of it! That makes it seem like me body is just some awful thing that he has to put up with to get to the other parts of me._

_Isn't it though?_

_Isn't that exactly what it is? _

_I can't wear a G-string in front of him; he won't even look at it._

She started to take the bra off when Finn crossed the room and wrapped his arms around her from behind. He started to kiss her neck from behind, his hands on her nearly naked hips.

"Didn't tell me it were a G-string." His voice was husky with lust.

"I didn't think it mattered."

"It matters." He answered between kisses

"It's not like you'd look." Finn stopped kissing her neck, he looked at her reflection in the mirror, his stomach pressed against her back, his hands still on her hips.

"I do look." He said, "I know I shouldn't, but I do."

"Shouldn't?" She gave him a confused look and he bit his lip and looked away.

"I… I know how you don't like your body. You got stuff." He said softly before returning his eyes to hers, "you couldn't get naked in front of me." He looked ashamed of himself, "when I saw how brave you were, you know, overcoming your fear of being naked, I promised myself I'd make it easier for you by not looking at your body until you asked me to." He looked at her face for a moment, willing her to understand and forgive him for what he was about to say, "So I try to keep my eyes above the neck line, so you'd know you're safe with me… but… but… I'm so sorry Rae… but I have looked… I try not to… but I have looked… more than once… when you wouldn't see me looking… and I'm sorry…" His voice was filled with a pleading that Rae just couldn't understand.

"Why are you sorry? You're my boyfriend, aren't you supposed to look?"

"Aye but, you've got stuff, and that's fine, I'll deal. Cos I don't wanna make that stuff worse by being a dickhead, I want you to know that you're so much more to me that just a body."

_That's what he meant? It weren't that he didn't want to look, it's that he thought I didn't want him to look. _

_I can't even understand how much I love him. _

_All the things he does for me – to try and help me. _

_Kind people are so rare. _

_I was so lucky that I got one of the few kind people in the world who happened to also be very sexy. _

"It's alright Finn."

"Yeah?" He felt the weight in the pit of his stomach lift as she nodded in answer.

"How much have you seen?"

"Not enough." He smiled embarrassed, "I feel like such a perve… I just take quick glances when I can." He laughed nervously. "I'm sorry." He repeated anxiously and bit the inside of his mouth.

_It's strange to see this side of Finn. When I think of the boy who smashed the fuck outta that guy at the pub and try to put that face to him right now, it don't work. _

_I never seen him hit anyone except for me. _

_I never seen him shake like a little lamb for anyone but me. _

_Oh my god… do I really affect him that much?_

The thought captured Rae's mind and she looked back at Finn, studiously keeping his eyes on her face, his hands on her hips, his left thumb stroking her softly, his face showing his concern.

_I were terrified. But it were time to put this behind me. To put it behind us. _

"I want you to look Finn. Take your time, and really look."

"Are you sure?"

"What's the point of wearing sexy lingerie if you're not gonna look?" She snapped.

"I want you to know that you can tell me to stop whenever you want."

"I know." She answered, but her tone made it clear that what he had said was important to her. He kept looking at her eyes in the reflection for a moment longer before letting his eyes drop.

_I watched him, as his eyes dropped to below the neckline, me heart were hammering. _

_But I heard him sigh in my ear, sounding, satisfied?_

His mouth opened and his looked turned to one of yearning, his blinking seemed to slow down as he took in everything he could see in the mirror.

_His hands kept twitching on me hips._

_But the best bit was that I could feel him getting hard. Could feel his breathing getting harder, knew he was getting right proper horny._

_His hands shot off me hips like he couldn't contain them anymore and he brought them up to me tits, grabbing them real rough like through the bra. His eyes kept looking at me in the mirror, and then he did this sexy whimper, of like, pleasure when he saw himself groping me. _

_He whipped that bra off quicker than I could of. And grabbed me tits again as if they were made of gold._

_When he touched me stomach I felt real unsure of him touching there, of seeing himself touching me there. But it were alright, he seemed fine with it. _

Finn's fingers found one of her stretch marks on her stomach and Rae could feel her face starting to burn.

"What are these?" He murmured into her ear and Rae had the unexpected juxtaposition of being ashamed of her stretch marks while simultaneously turned on.

"Um… they're stretch marks." She said softly. His fingers found another one and ran along it before descending further. His fingers slipped under the tiny slip of material that was masquerading as underpants and found her clitoris with ease.

"Rae," His lips were on her ear, his breath on her neck, his urgency very apparent. "Can I…" he paused, embarrassed and scared of what she might think. "Can I watch myself fuck you?"

_I didn't know what he meant._

_But I nodded me head anyway, mostly because I could only nod me head; the way he was looking at me and touching me was so lustful that I felt like I were in a porno. _

_I couldn't find me words. _

His eyes had not yet come back up above the neckline and Rae understood that this was a very physical event for Finn, that so far a great deal of their sex had been highly mental and emotional with the physical element taking third place, but that this was solely physical.

His body wanted her body. There was nothing else to it.

When she nodded his eyes finally returned to her face and she saw such an ache for her body in his eyes that she couldn't breathe for a moment.

_I thought I'd seen him as lusty and as horny as was humanly possible already. But this was something else!_

His action was sudden, he whipped a wooden sitting chair from the wall to in front of her.

"Bend over." Rae placed her hands on the chair.

"Get your arse up." His voice was ragged with desire. He looked down at her arse and then up in the mirror at her reflection, his eyes focussing on the way her tits moved as he pulled aside the thin strip of material and ran his fingers down the length of her crack, slipping two of them into her cunt when they found its opening. He watched his fingers entering her and groaned appreciatively. He rubbed his cock in her crack and looked up at the reflection, then back down at how his cock looked rubbing between her arse cheeks.

"Come here." He used her arm to pull her up and spin her around. He kissed her mouth, hard, his tongue forcefully exploring her mouth.

Rae felt breathless, and completely dominated. He'd always taken the lead in their sex, but this was different.

"Look at me." She looked up into his eyes, the lust had been damned, but it was barely contained, "you don't like anything – anything at all – you tell me to stop, and I will. Got it?"

"Yeah." He looked at her for a moment more, and the dam broke. That hard, insistent kiss again and she was spun back around, he pushed her back into a bending position, one hand on her back, the other grasping her hair. His control was so precise that she stopped with her hands just millimetres from where they needed to be to position herself as she had been before the kiss. She barely had time to steady herself before Finn had pulled her G-string side and thrust savagely into her. She gasped and held onto the chair for dear life.

_He fucked me with a ferocity that would have put hurricanes to shame. _

_And then he did something I didn't expect._

SMACK.

Finn smiled lopsidedly as he watched the shocked look on her face in the mirror, before smacking her other arse cheek as equally hard.

_Oh god but that does make me lady parts tingle._

He smacked her hard, until red handprints rose up on her round arse. Then his hands grabbed her hips firmly and he watched the way her body writhed under the force of his thrusts, the way her tits bounced, the look on her face as she embraced and enjoyed this rough treatment.

Finn spread her arse cheeks wide apart and watched as his cock slid in and out of her pussy.

He watched for a long time, transfixed on the image of him fucking Rae Earl.

_The look on his face is like he died and went to heaven. _

_Or like he never wants to forget this moment._

_If I'd have known that he'd been denying himself this pleasure, the pleasure he got from seeing me, maybe I wouldn't'a been so… I dunno… scared._

He ran his hand up her spine, reaching to her neck, his hand grasping the hair at the back of her head, and pulling gentle at first, but with more firmness so he could pull her head up higher.

"Let me see those tits." His hand squeezed her arse firmly and he pulled her hair more, making her arch her back so he could see more of her body, he pulled harder still until her hands came off the chair, her back arching beautifully to keep herself open to him, to keep him inside of her.

"Look at yourself." He ordered.

_I'd been avoiding looking in that mirror. But I had to now didn't I?_

"Look at yourself getting fucked by me."

Rae saw herself, saw her breasts moving, saw the look of desire on Finn's face as his eyes crawled all over her body. His hand let go of her hair, but she stayed up, watching their bodies moving in unison. He snaked his hand around to her breasts and lifted one, squeezing it, watching the flesh bulge between his outstretched fingers.

_I didn't realise that's how we looked when we fucked. _

_For the first time I didn't see myself as just a fat girl getting some from a fit boy. _

_I saw myself as a sex goddess. _

_When Finn pulled me by the back of my neck to make me kiss him, I kissed him harder than he kissed me. _

_He might be fucking me – using my body. But I wanted it. I wanted him to devour my body._

_This was a different type of sex. _

_This must be what other girls experienced – being just a body. _

_I knew I shouldn't like it so much. But I did. _

_And I think it were because I knew that when it were over, Finn wold go back to being my Finn, and I'd be his girlfriend, who he saw as so much more than just a body. He'd tried to make sure I knew that so much, that for the past 2 weeks he'd been afraid to look at me proper in case I hated my body more cos of it. _

_This was a violent, triumphant celebration of my body finally being seen, of my body being lusted after, being desirable. If anything I wanted him to be rougher. To want it so much that he couldn't control himself. _

_I wanted to disappear into me own body and relish it, enjoy it, love it. _

There was a moment of hesitation in his eyes before he spoke, cockily;

"Kneel down." He commanded.

_Yes. _

_Yes – I wanted to suck his cock more than I ever wanted to suck any lolly or candy cane or chocolate in me whole life. _

He smiled as Rae, keeping her eyes on him knelt and still looking him in the eye took as much of his length into her mouth that she could.

She moved her mouth up and down his shaft and smiled as she felt his hands in her hair, his hips starting to thrust, forcefully, but not too hard for her to handle it.

He held her still, his cock deep down her throat and pushed harder, going deeper, until he felt her gag reflex kick in, then he back off slightly, thrusting shallower for a while before pushing in deep again. This time, slowly, he pushed the entire length of his cock into her mouth and throat. He thrust while he was deep in her throat, enjoying the sounds she made, the way her eyes rolled back, and the gasp for air she took when he finally withdrew. He gave a lusty, throaty chuckle and lifted up his cock, Rae knew what he wanted and greedily licked his balls, taking them into her mouth one at a time. Then she took his cock in her hand and licked the length of him, ending at the tip, her eyes on his.

"Look at the mirror Finn."

_Me voice sounded different, deeper, more sure. Seductive even. _

Finn looked in the mirror, and he saw Rae's arse; perfect and round and her head moving up and down as she sucked his cock. He looked back down and saw his cock disappearing into her mouth, then back up at the mirror at her arse.

She put her hands on Finn's arse and pulled him into her mouth deeper and he obliged thrusting into her mouth, his hands still grasping her hair.

"No I don't wanta cum yet." He motioned for Rae to stand up but she kept licking his shaft, her eyes on his.

"Up." He smirked deviously. She stood up, feeling like sexual goddess.

"Sit." He nodded at the chair, Rae slid her G-string off, went to the chair and sat on the edge, her legs as far apart as she could get them. He knelt in front of her and slid his fingers into her.

"You're so fucking wet." He groaned. Rae's mouth turned up at the corners sinuously as she kept her hungry eyes on him.

"Lick it." She ordered. "Lick it with your eyes open the whole time."

Finn licked the corner of his mouth longingly and lowered his mouth to her vagina. Rae leant back in the chair and looked in the mirror. She saw her body reposed and Finn's head moving between her stretched apart thighs, his body tense with focus, his erection slowly dripping pre-cum onto the floor.

He tried to put his tongue inside of her, to taste her and Rae moaned throatily as his tongue probed her. But it was best when he lapped hungrily at her clitoris and she let him know this by grabbing his hair and crying out loudly when he did.

Soon she felt her innards tingling, felt the fire in her vagina spreading through her stomach, she kept her eyes on the mirror as she came, her hands pulling Finn's hair hard keeping his face pushed into her cunt as she shuddered and gasped.

She hadn't even finished shuddering and Finn was inside her again. Instantly her waning orgasm peaked again and she felt her nails raking down his back as she was wracked by a second, an instant third and then a fourth orgasm, her screams of ecstasy growing louder until she lost her voice and cried out in ragged voiceless cries. She watched herself clinging to him and shuddering through her orgasms as he squeezed her arse hard and fucked her, first looking at her and then at the mirror. As her orgasms started to pass she noticed a growing moan coming from Finn's throat. She leaned back in the chair and he looked down and watched his cock ramming into her again, that dirty lusty smile on his face. His eyes slid up her body.

_Bloody hell he's fucking me with his eyes, while he's fucking me. _

His groan intensified and he withdrew at the last moment, spurting his cum up her reclined body; her pussy, her stomach, her tits, her cheek, and one drop in her hair.

She watched his eyes crawl over her body, looking at his cum on her and realised that she had been claimed as his.

He looked back up at her face, worry starting to creep in to his eyes. Rae took her index finger and wiped the cum off her cheek and licked it from her finger. Finn's eyes narrowed in desire.

"You can cum in my mouth next time you fuck me like that." She said, her finger still in her mouth. "If you want to."

"You're so fucking sexy." He said panting and shaking his head in admiration.

_Oh fuck Finn, why were you so rough? If she's got bruises on her arse cos of the way you manhandled her…_

He felt his heart sink at the thought of it. She took his hand and walked to the shower.

"Can I still look at your body?' He asked suddenly.

"Yeah."

"You'll tell me if you don't want me to – cos I'll stop if-"

"It's fine."

"Listen Rae, I'm sorry." He saw her confused face and hurried on, "I'm sorry I were so rough, sorry that I hit you… your arse and grabbed you so hard… and… and pulled your hair… and…. Did I hurt you?"

"No. It were actually nice."

"Alright…" He smiled confused, "and I'm sorry that I… that I… spunked on you." He bit his bottom lip and wiped the place where his cum had landed on her face. She turned and looked in the bathroom mirror at herself, covered in his semen.

"It's alright." She turned back to him, "I liked it."

"You… well…"

"I liked it." She reassured him and turned to start the shower.

"Yeah but it were s'posed to be your weekend, and-"

"It's fine, I liked watching you get off with my body."

_She liked it? Was she bored with the way we was doing it before?_

"But I don't want'a do it like that all the time… I like… I like making love to you the most." He lowered his eyes and fidgeted with his fingers.

"Me too." He put his hands on her waist.

"Yeah?"

"Yes Finn. This is just another way for us to do it. Another way I liked. I've liked it all so far."

"So you'd wanna try it rough like that again?"

"Yeah." Rae nodded her head and bit her bottom lip. He saw the way she was smiling; she really had liked it.

_Rae Earl's got the bit of a vixen in her. _

_Would it be too soon to tell her I love her? _

_Me dad'd tell me that I'm 17 and I don't know nought about love. _

_Leave off Finn. Just enjoy her smile. And the way she makes you feel. Don't overthink it. That's what me Nan always told me. _

He kissed her, hoping that she understood everything that he felt. He smiled gingerly, still feeling worried that he'd been too rough, and wiped the semen from her hair gently. He took some shampoo and washed her hair. Taking time to make sure that he got every strand.

"Conditioner." She reminded him after he rinsed her hair.

"What?' He looked confused.

"You're such a boy."

"Aye." He laughed. She grabbed the conditioner and handed it to him.

_I washed and conditioned… whatever the fuck that is… her hair. I washed her body._

_I tried to memorise every centimetre of her as I ran the soap over her. It were so nice to look at her properly while I touched her, to not only feel her body, but really see it. _

_She's so perfect._

_And so sexy._

_And so, so beautiful._

_But I can't tell her these things, I've already put too much on her body, I don't want her to think that it's all that matters, not when she hates it so much. _

_And I wouldn't know how to say it proper anyway. _

_'There Is A Light That Never Goes Out' by The Smiths_

Rae was muttering angrily as she went through her bag.

"Alright girl?' Finn sat beside her and towelled his wet hair.

"You can tell Chloe packed. I've got nothing but skirts and no pants and no tights. There's hardly any underwear in here!"

"I told her to pack for a dirty weekend. I think she did alright."

"Yeah, but what am I gonna wear on the plane?"

"A skirt. With no pants and no tights." Finn cupped her vagina and put his mouth to her neck, "I'll be right proper distracted Miss Earl."

"I can't Finn!"

"You could wear your red dress again. I washed it." He smiled slyly.

"You like that red dress."

"I like you in that red dress." He answered seriously. She smiled, absurdly pleased.

"Do we have to clean up before we go?" She changed the topic.

"Chop's organising people from the village to do it."

"How long do we have until we have to go?"

Finn turned his eyes to the bedside table and sighed heavily.

"Better get your kit on!"

_I didn't want it to end. It had been the best weekend of me life. Although I think me clacker's gonna fall off – we've had that much sex, and he's still kissing me neck like he wants to go again._

_He must really like me. _

_Or at least really want me. _

_It's nice._

"Wear the black ones?" He asked nodding towards the black lingerie.

"You bloody pervert!"

"Definitely." Finn replied cheekily. He sat in the chair he'd just fucked her on and leaned back, the tip of his thumb between his teeth.

_He watched me get dressed, but the whole time he looked like at me like he were undressing me with his eyes._

_I wonder what would happen if we just missed the flight?_

He pulled his boxers and jeans on, but hadn't even zipped them up when the unmistakable sound of a car door slamming could be heard.

"Is that another limo?"

"Come look with me." He sauntered out of the room, shirtless, long scratch marks down his back. Rae opened her mouth in shock.

_I haven't even got long nails- how did the fuck did that happen?_

Rae followed him down the stairs and just before they got to the front door Finn turned to her and put his hand on her waist his lips to her ear.

"Take you G-string of and give it me." She turned her surprised face to him and he nodded that he was serious. Rae slid the G-string off and handed it to him.

His face was lustful, his eyes undressing her as he put it up to his face, smelling it.

"You was wearing this when I fucked you. It smells like our sex." Rae felt a familiar tingle in her body and wished that they didn't have to go, she wanted him again. Now. The look on his face told her that he knew what affect his words had on her. He smelled the G-string again and put it on his pocket before turning and opening the front door.

Izzy, Chloe and Archie wear standing near the stairs that up to the veranda, looking over a map and arguing. Rae felt instantly, supremely aware that she wasn't wearing underwear.

"This can't be it though?" Chloe sounded unsure as she poked at the map, "Was we s'pose to turn here?"

"I'm sure it is the right place." Izzy tried to interject.

"I didn't take a wrong turn, ok?" Archie answered Chloe testily.

Rae's turned her face to Finn for explanation.

"I said that we had the place to ourselves until Monday Miss Earl, not that we was leaving on Monday."

"Rae!" Izzy turned as she heard Finn's voice and lugged a huge bag up to her, "I got you some 'not-dirty-weekend' clothes here!"

"I told you!" Archie tried to say but Chloe was running up to hug Rae. The girls started talking, asking questions about the surrounding area.

"I don't know… I've kinda stayed inside the whole weekend." Rae responded.

"Were you having sex the whole time?" Izzy asked excitedly. Finn dug into his jeans pockets, feeling the G-string in one and his cigarettes in the other, he pulled out the packet and found that he still had a few that he'd made earlier left. He lit one and sauntered over to Archie.

Finn and Archie chest bumped and started to talk about the trip up.

"The fuck's Chop?" Finn asked concerned.

"He wouldn't let anyone drive with him, said he had to concentrate. Said you'd kill him if he pranged it. Twat." Archie shook his head.

"Wouldn't he let you drive it?" Finn laughed.

"Nope."

"Aye well it's not his to let you drive, so good." Finn answered seriously.

"Saying 'aye again Finn?"

"You what?"

"You haven't really said it since you were a kid?" Archie prodded gently. A ghost of a remembrance lit Finn's eyes, he smiled sadly.

"Yeah. I remember."

"It's nice to hear it again." Archie said as he saw the car in the distance and motioned towards it. Finn grinned broadly and turned back to Rae, she hadn't seen it yet as she chatted away. Archie drew the girl's attention to it as Chop pulled into the long driveway in a beautiful car.

"Holy fuck!" Rae exclaimed and the look on Finn's face became cautious, "Chop get a new car?" She walked down the stairs to Finn and Archie, Izzy and Chloe giving each other a conspiratorial grin behind her.

"It's a car that Chop and me have been working on for a couple of years. For me." Finn explained drawing heavily on his cigarette.

"That's your car?" Finn nodded in response

"The body is a Rover, p4, 75, 4 door saloon. I was right lucky to get me hands on that…" Rae looked blankly at him and he revised his plan to tell her all about the engine specifics and instead focussed on the making of the car, "Me and Chop did a lot of scavenging to get all the parts and we've been putting the engine together. It were the stereo, paint and the chrome work and the seats that cost me anything, the rest were salvaged from tips and such. Mostly illegally." He pulled a 'lucky-we-didn't-get-caught' face. "But we got it through registration, so it's fine now."

Rae looked at the shiny black car, the silver chrome work on the wheels, lights and front grill.

"Is this why you got a loan from your dad?"

"I thought you hadn't heard that." He looked frustrated that she knew about that, "Aye, but only a couple hundred quid, and I've nearly finished repaying it already. You don't think about that ok?" Rae nodded confused by Finn's apparent distress, "Most of the car was pieced together for no cost at all." He touched her face gently, making sure he had her full attention, "This car's not about how much it cost… it's about how much effort and love that went into making it. I learned about mechanics to make this car!"

"Alright." She soothed his sudden, inexplicable upset.

"At first I were gonna let Chop do all the mechanics himself. But then I had to do it, you understand?"

"Yeah." Rae answered having no idea what he meant at all.

Chop sat in the car, his hands lovingly caressing the steering wheel.

"I don't want'a let her go." He looked murderously at Finn who held out his hands for the spare set of keys, the others were left dangling from the ignition. Finn opened the back seat for Rae and she climbed in. Inside was done in cream tones with leather seats and chrome finishes.

"Are you gonna Christen my baby?" Chop sounded unimpressed.

"Give us half hour." Finn answered.

"Half an hour!"

"Piss off, Chop!" Finn laughed.

"Alright." He got out of the car and motioned for everyone to go inside.

"But the bags!" Chloe looked back at Archie's car.

"C'mon Archie, let's be quick about it!" Chop and Archie quickly unpacked the car, Rae and Finn watching through the back window laughing. When the gang where inside Rae turned and looked, smiling at Finn's worried face.

"I like your car!" She touched the seats, "The leather's real soft." Finn leaned forward in between the front seats and pressed play on the CD player. _'Spaceman' _by Babylon Zoo played and Rae turned her face to him in mock fury.

"If you think I'm gonna fuck you in the back seat of your car, listening to this song, you're very mistaken Finnley Finnigan."

He laughed and flicked his cigarette butt out of the still open door.

"There is a bit of problem with the car though." He turned to her very seriously.

"What?" Rae asked, completely taken in by his serious face.

"I prefer me bike." He held up his hand, the spare set of keys dangling from his fingertips.

"You what?" Rae looked at him uncomprehendingly.

"I prefer me bike." He answered with a big grin, "don't want the car." He took her hand and placed the keys in it before closing her fingers over them.

"You're giving me your car?" Her face was a picture of perfect shock and disbelief.

"Rego's already in your name Miss Earl. It's your car."

"It's too much. You've already done so much. You've spent so much money on me!"

"Aye, I've done a bit, but it's not cost as much as you think. It were me Nan's necklace, the gang paid for a lot of the week away, and I'd already done a lot of the work on the car before I even knew you." He tried to sooth her worries, but then felt he'd gone too far, "But yes, it cost more than I've ever spent on anyone else." He saw her eyes tearing up, and fretted.

"You didn't have to do this." She whispered.

"I know. But it's you Rae, I'll spend all me money on you. And I just had so many ideas and I didn't know which one to choose." Rae laughed and he smiled, worrying less, "I thought to myself; 'well you're not gonna be working for the next couple'a years on account'a school, might as well do all your ideas now while you're working and you can afford to!' I don't have a job anymore," he shrugged, "and I prob'ly won't for a while, so, next year's birthday will be much more low-key, I promise. I might not get you anything." He joked.

She took the keys and looked around at the car, her head shaking slowly.

"It alright?" He asked nervously.

"Yes." She answered him seriously. Her eyes filled with tears and her voice betrayed her disbelief and wonderment.

"I know you can't drive yet, so I'll teach you."

"Can we call it our car?"

"If that's what you want." He gently wiped a tear from her cheek.

"And you'll have the other set of keys?" He nodded slowly.

"What's going on in your head girl?" He asked concerned and Rae put her hands up to her face and sobbed.

"No one's ever…" She cried and Finn put his arms around her protectively. A moment later her wet mouth was on his, her tears washing over his face, her vulnerability and her urgency producing a need in him to protect her, to care for her, and to be with her, that he had never known.

"Thank you." She said through her kisses.

"So it alright?" He asked her, her tears on his face, her breath cooling his skin.

"Yeah Finn, it alright." She copied his intonation. He chuckled and put his hand to her face.

"I…" He paused lost in her eyes, "I care a lot about you Rae." He bit the inside of his mouth, "you're not like anyone else." His hand found the back of her neck, tangled in her hair and gently pulled her closer, so that he could kiss her, slowly, softly.

"I feel the same." She whispered between kisses.

Slowly Rae climbed onto his lap, facing him, their kisses still slow and intense, the passion growing. Rae reached down and pulled at Finn's pants and he lifted himself and pulled them down a little, she'd slid him into her before he'd finished the movement. They made love slowly, their tongues slow-dancing around each other, their hands held, their hearts aching for each other.

_'Country House' by Blur_

When they went back into the house Chloe and Izzy were in the kitchen unpacking groceries while Archie and Chop were looking at bottles of alcohol and piles of CDs.

"Are we gonna get shit-faced tonight or what?" Chop held up a bottle of vodka.

"I dunno, I'm pretty tired after that drive." Izzy pouted.

"Getting up at 4 o'clock in the fucking morning is not conducive to a night on the piss Chop." Archie agreed.

"Movie night." Chloe smiled at Izzy.

"You two have been banging on bout a movie night since we started planning this fucking thing!" Chop rejected the notion.

"We can get smashed tomorrow." Chloe answered and pulled out some Videos from her bag, "c'mon Chop" She exaggerated her pleas.

"After that drive I'm with the girls." Archie sat at the kitchen table and shrugged when Chop gave him a dirty look.

"Now I know you two are keen to let loose, you've been stuck up here alone all weekend, you must have some energy to burn?" Chop turned his debate to Rae and Finn. They didn't even have to look at each other.

"Movies." Finn answered.

"Definitely movies." Rae agreed.

"You fucking mingers."

"I vote The Breakfast Club." Archie ignored Chop, "it's a classic."

"No, I want The Crow!" Chloe appealed to Rae, "it's got a good soundtrack, and Brandon Crow is so hot."

"You know he's dead right?" Archie snarked.

"Doesn't mean he's not hot."

"Actually it means exactly that – he's the exact opposite of hot."

"Stop it you two." Izzy mothered, "I want to watch Forest Gump."

This was met by a general round of groans and refusals.

"Fine then, let's watch some sexed up violent thing." She snapped.

"Alright!" Chop answered, "Pulp Fiction!"

"Reservoir Dogs." Finn countered.

"Didn't bring it." Chop replied.

"Who's the minger now?" Finn laughed.

"Clueless?" Izzy tried again.

"NO!" Came three male voices.

"Oh is that Trainspotting?" Rae asked and she picked up the Video.

"Yeah, and we got; Scream, The Usual Suspects-" Archie went through the pile.

"Who the fuck bought The Lion King?" Chop shook his head and Izzy raised her hand blushing. He smiled at her and kissed her hard.

"Oi leave off!" Chloe laughed, "The Lion King's alright!"

"Romeo + Juliet. Izzy did you bring anything good?" Chop continued.

"That were me!" Archie, "Shakespeare is-"

"No one wants it Archie!" Chop put it aside.

"We'll watch it later Archie." Izzy looped her arm in his.

"From Dusk Til Dawn," Finn looked at the cover and then picked up the next video, "Natural Born Killers. Sounds cheery."

"Seven." Chop held it up. "That's what we're watching. You lot won't let me drink – this is what we're watching."

There was argument, but Chop was resolved. Half an hour later, with snacks and junk food in hand, everyone started to settle down in front of the television. Finn wandered in and decided to take the lounge with the armrest and enough room for Rae to sit next to him, he turned to sit.

"What happened to you back mate?" Archie asked, concerned as Chloe and Chop entered the room.

"Sex." He answered, too tired to make up a plausible explanation that would protect his and Rae's privacy. He hadn't even bothered to button up the top of his jeans. He practically collapsed into the chair.

"That good hey?' Chop joked and nudged Finn.

"Yeah." Finn smiled smuttily, "that good."

"What happened? Anything kinky?" He asked for details but Izzy and Rae came in with some party pies and other culinary delights and Finn was saved from having to tell Chop to leave off.

"I didn't even know this place had a tv." Rae mumbled as she sat next to Finn. He shook his head bewildered.

"Maybe they bought it with them?"

"Course we didn't fucking bring it with us!" Chop said as he put the video in the player and sat on the floor, Izzy immediately curling up next to him. "What the fuck have you been doing for the last 3 days?" He asked knowingly.

Finn's eyes strayed to Rae's and she had an impish smile on her face.

"Don't want'a know!" Chloe said seeing that smile. Finn laid his head onto the arm rest of the lounge as the trailers played, and opened his arm for Rae to lie with him, she snuggled into his side, his arm resting across her shoulders. His eyes closed as he settled in for a nap.

"What are you doing?" Chop asked and he paused the video.

"I'm tired." Finn groaned

"What do you mean you're tired?" Archie looked over. "We just drove ten fucking hours!" Archie threw popcorn at Finn and he groaned.

"Piss off Arch!" He grumbled.

"No, come on you two!" Izzy joined in, "You gotta watch it."

"My eyes are open." Rae joked; she intended to close them the minute the movie started.

"Finn don't let the gang down!"

"Sod off Chop!"

"Why are you so tired?" Izzy asked concerned.

"I've had sex like 20 something times in the last 3 days. I need to fucking sleep. Alright?"

Rae lowered her head but couldn't help but smile, she knew that only the depths of need would drive Finn to say something so personal so openly; he must be exhausted.

"How the fuck did you manage that?" Chop asked seriously.

"All the blue balls I had from waiting so long." He pulled Rae's hair teasing and she hit him in the thigh. "Now stop fucking talking to me, I think me jaw's freezing up."

"Your jaw? What the fuck?" Chop looked confused.

"From going down too much Chop!" Chloe laughed.

"You dirty fuckers!" Chop laughed and Finn groaned and tried to get more comfortable for napping.

"Did you use the underwear?" Izzy asked happily.

"That's it, I'm taking the car, I'm driving 10 hours home." Archie laughed.

"Iz I don't think we should talk about it, gotta movie to watch." Rae gave her a look that told her they'd talk about it later and Izzy nodded knowingly.

"How the fuck has your knob not fallen off?" Chop chuckled.

"No fucking idea." Finn answered grumpily, his eyes closed.

"And your clacker must be a right proper mess!" He nodded at Rae.

"We're not talking about Rae's lady bits anymore, ok Chop." Finn's eyes were still closed but the tone in his voice made Chop's smile fall slightly, unsure as to how serious Finn was.

"Alright." He answered diplomatically.

"What do you mean by anymore?" Rae asked laughing.

"Well-" Chop began to reply.

"Nothing!" Finn cut him off loudly; grumpy and tired, his eyes resolutely shut. Chop looked at Rae and shrugged enigmatically as he settled back in and un-paused the video.

As soon as the opening credits started Izzy put her hands up over her mouth.

"I don't think I'm going to like this movie." Her eyebrows creased in fear.

"You'll be fine." Chop put his arms around her protectively, "I gotcha."

_'Tonight Tonight' by Smashing Pumpkins_

When Rae opened her eyes Finn was sitting in the chair, smoking and watching her.

"That's pretty fucking creepy Finn."

"Sorry." He grinned, "I just like watching you sleep."

"How long have you been awake?" He looked down at his cigarette and then back at her.

"About 10 minutes."

"Not too creepy then." She yawned and stretched before heading to the bathroom, not bothering to close the door.

"It's 10am." He said as he appeared in the door.

"Fuck!" Rae laughed, "We shagged ourselves into a sleep coma!"

"Speaking of shagging…" He smiled and looked over at the spa, "fancy a ride girl?"

When they got downstairs Chop, Chloe and Archie were watching a movie.

"About time!" Chloe called in when she saw them sitting down at the kitchen table to the leftover breakfast her and Archie had prepared.

"Where's Iz?" Rae asked as they sauntered in to the lounge room with plates of food.

"Still in bed." Chop scrunched up his face, "she likes to have a good long sleep."

"Like you two." Archie nodded to them.

"I were fucking exhausted!" Finn conceded.

"Can't leave you two alone!" Chloe responded. "Maybe we should go get Izzy so we can get going?"

"What have we got planned?" Finn asked around a mouthful of food.

"Tobogganing." Archie grinned as Finn rolled his eyes.

"Nah, we can't wake her up, she gets right pissed off." Chop answered Chloe.

"I'd like to see Izzy pissed off." Archie laughed.

"No you don't!" Chop answered seriously. "I mean we used to have quickies before we went to the chippy every morning before school right, so I was thinking I could just go round there and wake her up for 'em. Only took twice before I knew you don't get between Izzy and her sleep. Fuck I miss those quickies though." He stared off thoughtfully.

"God how will your dick survive?" Chloe asked unsympathetically.

"You implying his girlfriend's not just there for his dick Chlo?" Finn joked.

"Alright!" Chop answered grumpily as Izzy entered the room looking sleepy.

"Hi." She said as she sat down yawning.

"Still tired?" Chop asked as he kissed her cheek. She nodded sleepily.

"Maybe you're oversleeping babe?" Chloe said concerned.

"Maybe." Izzy answered.

"Yeah, I read it can be as bad as under-sleeping." She continued.

Chop leaned in and kissed her on the cheek again as she yawned, setting off Rae and Finn.

"You lot a right bunch of sorry sods!" Chop complained as Izzy poured herself some juice.

"I don't mean to be!" She yawned, "Juice'll perk me up!" She smiled.

Finn leaned over Rae's bowl and picked up her spoon, putting it in his mouth.

"Oi, I weren't finished!"

"I just wanted to see what it tasted like." He handed back the spoon.

"You're such a boy." Chloe said shaking her head.

"Aye, what else am I s'pose to be?' He asked as he grabbed a sausage and ate it with his fingers. Chloe and Izzy shook their heads at him while Chop and Archie started to plan the day more fully.

Half an hour later, Rae found herself turning around on the spot, desperately trying to take in everything she saw.

"It's beautiful." Snowy mountains rose out of endless winter plains, crystalline lakes sparkled in the distance and fat woolly sheep crossed the roads, cars waiting patiently to get around them. She kissed Finn and watched as his mouth drew up at the corners and his eyes sparkled with happiness, he wrapped his hand around hers and kissed her fingertips through her glove.

Chop was leading them to a good tobogganing hill, all the time banging on about spending Christmases up here with his family and all the stuff he and his 4 brothers got up to.

"Chop, if you're so rich why don't you buy Izzy a car?" Chloe asked as they trudged in the snow with the toboggans.

"You what?" He asked, "I'm not rich. This all belongs to me grandparents, me parents are poor as dirt." Chop shrugged. "Me Dad's a gambler." He gave in way of explanation when he saw their confused faces. They trudged on for another 40 minutes before Chop stopped and turned to them.

"Here we are!" He stood at the top of a long steep hill.

"There's no fucking way I'm going down that." Rae felt her heart beating fast as she saw the size of the hill. Chop shrugged again and turned to Izzy who shook her head, he hands under her chin, her eyes wide and terrified.

"Alright then!" He shrugged as he placed the toboggan against his stomach and dove down the hill head first.

"Holy fuck!" They laughed as they watched him, screaming joyously all the way down. Finn put his toboggan down and turned to Rae.

"Come on." He sidled up to her with his best attempt at a convincing face. Rae shook her head as she saw Archie and Chloe on the other toboggan trying to convince Izzy to join them.

"Please." He sat down on the toboggan leaving a place in front of him for her.

"Oh fucking hell. You can't use the 'p' word on me!" She said indignantly and he grinned, clearly pleased with himself. She sat down on it and Izzy gave her a look of despair before getting on the toboggan between Archie and Chloe.

"You better hold on to me!" Rae said terrified as Finn started to push the toboggan forward.

"Always." He whispered in her ear as the toboggan started to careen down the hill, Rae and Finn screaming and yelling, Archie, Chloe and Izzy sliding beside them, Izzy screaming on the top of her lungs.

Exhausted and laughing the gang headed back to the house as dusk set in. The boys ran around and at one point Chop climbed a tree, but the girls walked steadily chatting about the weekend they'd just had. As they finally got to the front stairs of the house, Izzy stopped, her hand to her face.

"What's up?" Chop asked.

"I've got a nosebleed!" She sounded perplexed.

"Put your head back!" Chop said as he put a hand on her lower back.

"No put it forward." Archie countered.

"Well which way do you want me to put it?" She exclaimed annoyed.

"I used to get nosebleeds all the time." Archie tried to convince Chop, who after a moment's thought nodded.

"Head forward Izzy." He agreed.

"Alright." Her voice was muffled and blood dropped from the hand covering her nose, onto the snow.

"Let's get you over the kitchen sink." Archie said as he guided her inside.

"Chop?" She asked and he followed.

Rae, Finn and Chloe at around the kitchen table, trying not to stare at Izzy as she bent over the kitchen sink, her nose bleeding. Chop, holding her hair back, had been postulating for the past few minutes on what might have caused it – everything from pollen to the cold air.

"How long have you had the ear infections?" Archie asked suddenly as he placed a wet flannel on the back of her neck.

"On and off for about a month."

"It's probably that." He said to Chop's worried face.

"Yeah but how's ears got to do with her nose?"

"I dunno how it all works but when I was about 12 I had a bunch o' ear infections, ended up getting into me sinuses, got nosebleeds so easy after that."

"I remember that." Finn moaned, "you were not fun to be around that year." Rae scrunched her face up at him, "He fucking whinged." Finn explained. Archie gave him a 'fuck off' grimace and turned back to Izzy.

"You'll have to get some antibiotics."

"I'm on antibiotics, I'm sick of 'em!" She wiped her nose to see if it had stopped. It hadn't.

"Well tell your doctor you need stronger ones." Archie said as he turned the flannel over. "And maybe wear ear plugs at the pool?"

"I tried that, the coach don't like it cos I can't hear him scream orders at me."

"You tell your coach," Chop's voice was dangerous, "that if he don't let you wear ear plugs I'll fucking knock his block off."

_'Mouth' by Bush_

"Never have I ever had oral sex in a public place." Izzy said and Chloe sighed and did a shot. Finn bit the inside of his mouth, hesitated and also did one, Rae turned to look at him and he shrugged apologetically.

"Never have I ever had or given a blowjob at a movie." Chop said and Chloe took another shot while Finn cleared his throat, kept his eyes forward and also took one.

_Playing this game made it incredibly clear that Finn had had a lot of experiences… especially with blowjobs._

"Never have I had oral sex with a stranger." Chloe said smiling. Finn lowered his eyes and slowly reached his hand out to take another shot while Rae looked at him aghast.

"Sorry. It were before I knew you." He said after he'd swallowed the alcohol. "Never have I ever had multiple orgasms." He teased. Rae narrowed her eyes at him and took a shot, no one else did and Finn tried not to look too smug as the game continued.

_As the shot glasses piled up, I was more worried than ever that I couldn't keep up with Finn's sexual prowess. I started counting how many girls he must have been with and I didn't like it. _

_I had to know more._

_But did I really want to know?_

Finn closed the bathroom door as carefully as he could, staggering slightly, he turned and bumped into Chloe. They stumbled, grabbing hold of each other and laughed. Chloe dropped her head onto Finn's chest and he laughed as he hugged her.

"Let's go for a walk." She slurred and Finn smiled at her.

"Yep!" He nodded drunkenly.

She took his hand and dragged him towards the pool house, he stumbled slightly but maintained his feet.

Rae and Archie were playing poker while Chop and Izzy made out on the lounge. Rae looked up to see Chloe leading Finn outside. Her heart sank, and Archie, seeing the look on her face turned to see where she was looking.

_I wanted to go after them, to stop what was obviously going to happen. He were drunk, she was hot and I knew she wanted him. _

_I wanted to trust Finn, but how could I ever compete with Chloe?_

"It'll be fine Rae." Archie said softly putting a hand on hers. She smiled at him and turned her head back toward the pool house. She couldn't see them, but she knew they'd gone that way.

"I like it out here." She looked up through the glass ceiling at the stars.

"Yeah." He sat down beside her and nearly stumbled into her again.

"Finn…"

"Yep?"

"You know I love Rae? She's me best mate."

"Yep."

"And I know you're with her."

"I am." He held up his drink in cheers and she clinked it with her own. She watched him drink and move around drunkenly to the music filtering through from the main house, and then looked back at the stars. She scooted over to be closer to him and he didn't seem to object so she scooted in even closer, until their thighs were touching.

Before she realised what she was doing her lips were on his, gently, but desperately willing his mouth, his body to respond.

But it didn't. He stopped moving, his lips stiff and he slowly pulled away from her.

"What are you doing?" His voice was still slurred, but not as much as it had been.

"Nothing. I'm sorry." She felt her head swim. "Just drunk."

"Right." He answered, not convinced and unimpressed, but still too drunk to really know how he felt about all of this. She looked at him again and then up at the stars. His body was tense and his eyes were staring warily at her.

"I'm sorry. Really. It were nothing."

"Alright." He said cautiously. She laughed at him and stood up and started to dance, after a while Finn laughed at her and also started to dance. They danced, laughing, not touching, for some time before she put an arm around his neck and he didn't respond, just kept dancing, his eyes closed. She held herself closer to him and looked up to his face.

"I can't help but wonder Finn… I wonder what it would have been like if we'd been together." She said softly. She felt his drunken dance stop, saw the happy smile leave his face and his eyes focus slightly as he looked at her more clearly than he'd been able to manage all night in his drunken splendour. He held her eyes for some time.

"You heard what I said?" She asked nervously.

"Yes." He answered fairly soberly. "I'm just making sure I'm as sober as possible for my answer." He maintained the eye contact, "so you never think that I said what I'm about to say because I were drunk." Chloe nodded, butterflies in her stomach. She smiled expectantly, knowing she should stop him, knowing they shouldn't do this, but wanting it too much to think clearly. She turned her chin up, her lips parted, knowing that he would kiss her. It would be a drunk kiss, but it would be something. He took a deep breath, his bearing and appearance made it very clear that while he was drunk, he knew what was going on, and took a step back, holding her upper arms in his hands.

"Chloe," his voice was soft, gentle even, but also firm, resolute. "The idea of us being together? I don't think about it. Not ever. Not even for a second." He watched her, almost emotionless as her face dropped and she lowered her eyes, "and you shouldn't think about it either."

"You would say that… you're happy."

"I am. Very happy. And so is your. Best. Mate." Finn emphasised the words, and Chloe nodded, knowing he was right to do so. "I'm sorry but I want to be clear. I don't feel that way for you. Not one tiny little bit."

"You know… I thought we were getting close before Rae came along." Chloe said softly.

"Not really." Finn answered, "I mean… honestly, when I first met you, before I were with Stacey, I wanted you to suck me dick, and that were it. But I haven't thought bout you in a sex way since then."

"You only thought of me… sexually?" Her face screwed up in grief.

"Yeah. Back then, that's how I saw you."

"It never could have been us could it have?" She asked, tears flowing down her cheek. Finn easily repressed his urge to comfort his friend; somewhere inside of him, he knew he had to be brutal.

"No. Never. There was no time in the past, and there will be no time in the future when we could be together in that way." She covered her face and cried, her body slumping against his but Finn took another step back and held her at arm's length, "I mean it Chlo. I belong to Rae, and I have done for a long time, and I intend to for a much longer time."

"Alright." Her voice cracked, and she turned away from him.

"I wish you nothing but happiness Chlo. You deserve it."

"Just not with you?" She turned back to him, her eyes pleading. Finn took in her face, her slumping shoulders, her tears and knew what he had to do.

"I think I'm sober enough now to take your best mate up to our room and make love to her. Like I intend to do for the rest of my life. Goodnight Chloe." He heard her soft cry of pain as he turned away but he kept walking, straight back to Rae. As soon as he saw her he grabbed her around the waist and kissed her hard. Archie looked down at the poker cards with a small thankful smile.

"Fancy heading off?" She asked him after feeling the heat of his kiss. In response he took her hand and led her up the stairs.

_Drunken sex with Finn was always good, but last night it was particularly good. I didn't know what had happened with Chloe but whatever it was it made Finn particularly interested in everything I did. _

_It's like he spent hours looking at me while he barely moved inside me. He told me that he wanted it to last forever, so I guess that's why he was going so slow; so the sex would last longer. _

_I quite liked it. Finn is such a sexual man. Bloody hell – man. _

She sat cross legged and he sat behind her rubbing her neck, the spa bubbles tingling against their skin while the sky lit up with the dawn and they watched through the window.

"Finn…" she hesitated.

"What is it?" He asked softly.

"What happened with you and Chloe last night?"

"Nothing really. Just had a chat." He shrugged and frowned thoughtfully.

"What about?"

"I dunno, I was quite drunk. I remember you being mentioned though."

"What did she say?" Rae turned to him anxiously.

"Oi! Face ahead!" He ordered as he realigned himself to how she was sitting now and continued to rub her neck and shoulders.

"So…?' Rae asked unrepentantly.

"It were me doing the talking. Told her how important y'are t'me."

She looked over her shoulder at him, smiling, and he gave her a serious look and motioned for her to face forward again. She sat in silence and enjoyed the massage for a while, trying to ignore the questions in her mind.

"Can I ask you another question?" Finn moved his hands to be rubbing one shoulder and smiled grimly. He had known that a lot of questions were going to come up after last night. He grunted affirmatively and tried to keep a positive mood.

"How many girls have you been with?"

"Rae." His voice sounded disheartened, but she persisted.

"How many?" He sighed and stopped massaging her.

"Been with in what way?" He asked as he scooted around so he could see her face.

She knew he was skirting the issue, but she took it and ran with it anyway.

"Blow jobs." He sighed as if this topic pained him and raised his eyes upwards, as if counting.

"I don't know Rae," he answered finally in defeat, "a lot."

"Right." She lowered her eyes and slid into the water more, the bubbles hiding her body. He ran a hand over his face both in exasperation and a desire to run as far away from this conversation as he could. He saw her dejected mood and knew he had to fix it.

"You probably haven't noticed, but… a lot of girls think I'm kinda fit." He shrugged as if this was a little known fact.

"You think I haven't noticed that?" Rae was confused.

"Yeah." A sudden realisation hit Rae.

"Do I not treat you like I think you're fit?"

"Not really." He answered self-consciously. He looked down at himself and his eyebrows furrowed slightly. His arms twitched as he fought off the urge to cross his arms over his chest.

"Well…" Rae didn't know what to say.

"It's just that… all the girls that thought I were fit, they'd just almost fall on their knees in front o'me. I… I guess I took advantage of that."

"And I didn't… do… that?" Rae asked not knowing what to think. She spent months mooning over him, bewailing his attractiveness in her diary, staring lovingly at him while he smoked. How could he have missed all of that?

"No. No you put me in me place right from the get-go." He smiled fondly and stroked her thigh with his fingertips.

"I… put you in your place?" Rae blinked a few times, trying to wrap her head around what he was saying, "how?" She challenged.

"Most girls, when I said I was good with music would just agree with me. You were having none of that. You called me a prick under your breath every time I got near you."

"You heard that?" Rae asked, mortified.

"Aye!" His fond grin grew broader as she buried her face in her hands, "you ignored me, said you didn't want to be friends."

"Yeah but that was cos I wanted to be your girlfriend."

"Yeah but I didn't know that!" He answered meaningfully, "Even when we was alright, you'd tell me I had BO when I tried to get closer to you." As he reminisced, Rae saw a strange happiness in his eyes, "for a long time, I'd been cool, fit Finn, could get any girl to suck his dick for nought. No effort required!" Her joked humourlessly, "and then you wouldn't even be me friend. Me being fit meant nothing to you. And it felt like who I was actually meant something for once. I had no idea how to… do that… still don't."

"Be you?" He nodded sadly, but still happily remembering how she had treated him. "Alright." Rae answered feeling confused.

"You know, I'd gotten sick of all the girls before I met you anyway. Stacey was kinda the last of it. I was sick of girls that didn't know nought about me saying they loved me. I think I were ready for a Rae to come along. Just didn't how to handle her when she got there."

"I do think you're fit Finn."

"I know. I figured it out. You know… Willingness to have sex me is a bit of a give-away." He grinned.

"Oh alright then!" She teased his cocky attitude and his fingers slid higher up her thigh.

"Can I ask another question?" Finn nodded, knowing what was coming, and keeping his eyes on the bubbles floating atop the water.

"How many people have you had sex with?" He pursed his lips, deciding whether to deflect the question or not.

"Besides you. Just one." He answered at last.

"Stacey." Rae said, images of her naked body flashing in her mind bitterly.

"No." Finn winced, knowing that this was going to hurt.

"No?"

"Cos her mother kicked me out before we got to it."

"Olivia?" And there was that pain he'd known was coming, her eyes were drawn, her mouth downturned.

"Yeah. Yeah it were Olivia in the end." Rae felt her face fall and she looked away, a tear slipping from her eye.

"I'm sorry." He said dejectedly.

"It's alright, we weren't together." She tried to sound as if she really meant it.

"No we weren't." He wanted her to understand how that had hurt him, to lose the connection he had felt with her. How that had made him empty. How Olivia had been… there. Conveniently there. "You know… before you, I were a right prick with girls. And every time you called me a prick – you was right."

"How were you a prick, really?" She said keeping her eyes away from him.

"I just knew I could get it, so I did. Didn't think for a second about her." He felt shame burning his cheeks.

"What made you change?"

"After I got booted from Stacey's house. She told everyone at school that we'd done it."

"So?" Rae failed to see how this was a bad thing for him.

"Everyone congratulated me on bagging Stacey. Like she were a thing. And she loved that. Said she were glad to be another one of my girls. People thought I'd fucked a lot o' girls. But I were still a virgin."

"Why did Stacey lie?"

"To be popular. She said we'd get around to fucking later so it were alright. She made me feel like I were a thing. A pretty thing."

"Like all the girls you'd been with."

"Aye." Finn answered honestly. "Like how I'd made those girls feel." He looked away, not wanting her to look at him.

"So you dumped her?"

"A few days later. I realised I didn't want to be popular." He smiled. "I wanted… I dunno… something real… a connection… Probably sounds stupid."

"No." Rae leaned closer to him, "no it doesn't." He shrugged and shook his head, raising his fingers to gently stroke her hair.

"I'm sorry I were a prick. I was still kinda changing when I met you. So…" She thought back to the pub, Finn stopping Archie from talking about the pool party.

"Where you a prick when you talked about me at the pool party?" She asked, afraid to hear the answer. He sighed and looked away pained.

"Do we havet'a talk about this?"

"Yes." Her chin quivered slightly so she gritted her teeth defiantly.

"Ok." He gritted his teeth in reply and looked everywhere but at her. "I were prick about you." He said after a long pause.

Rae felt herself shrinking away from him, not knowing whether to cross her arms over her breasts or her stomach. She clenched her jaw, trying not to cry.

"Fuck Rae, I'm sorry!" Finn tried to move closer to her and she put her hand up for him to stay away. He slumped back and watched her, his face showing his agony as he watched her struggle with what he'd said. She took long, deep shuddering breath.

"What did you say?"

"I were mostly talking to Chop. Archie don't really talk about girls. Never has."

"Obviously." She tried to pretend that she was ok.

"We was talking about all the girls. You and Izzy and Chloe."

Rae felt a tear fall down her face.

"Did you compare us?"

"A little."

Rae couldn't look at his face.

"In what way."

"We was talking about… um… tits." He ended softly.

"Chop said that Chloe had the best tits."

"Poor Izzy." Finn fidgeted and tried to move closer to her again. "What did you say?"

"I said I liked yours the most cos I like big tits."

Rae turned her face to him.

"What?"

"I said I liked your tits. When you bent down, there were a lot of cleavage and… I said they'd be good to fuck."

"Ok…" Rae felt that things were not going as she had expected. "What else?" Finn bit the inside of his mouth and fidgeted again.

"I said it were always good to keep a big girl around cos they always got good big tits." He looked away ashamed.

"Right…" Rae felt oddly pleased and also reminded of what Saul had said to her, about how he'd always wanted a piece of a big girl and that made her feel dirty in a bad way. "Anything else?"

"Archie asked… if I'd date you. I said no." He looked at her face, hoping she wouldn't be too hurt. He saw the tears and wanted to apologise, wanted to touch her, but she was keeping her distance.

"Because," her voice was higher pitched than usual, filled with grief, "because I'm fat."

"What?" Finn asked, "No… cos I didn't feel a connection with you. I mostly felt pissed off at you. You kept calling me a prick. I mean I deserved it, but I didn't like it. It hurt." He lowered his eyes. "Still does."

"You didn't feel a connection?" Rae asked, her voice filled with disbelief that it wasn't because she was fat.

"Yeah but I were wrong. Archie were right; I already liked you then. I just didn't realise." He bit the skin around his nails, fretting, worried about the way she was staring off in disbelief. "I'm sorry, what can I say to-"

"It's ok." She turned back to him.

"No it's not, I fetishized you."

"I don't know what that means."

"I treated you like you were nought but a body." Finn answered, "it's disgusting that I did that. To you. Me girl. You deserve better."

"At least you didn't say I were fat and ugly… or that you'd like my tits on Chloe's body."

"I could never say those things about you."

"You didn't know me then."

"Even back then Rae." He looked upset, "have people said those kinds of things to you?"

"Yeah."

"Probably fit boys like me?"

"And fit girls like Stacey."

"If you'd have come into my world when I were dating Stacey… I might have said that kinda stuff… and I hate that about myself. I hate it so much."

"We've both changed." She reached forward and stroked his face lovingly.

"I wish I'd never been that person Rae."

"I think everyone has parts of themselves they hate." She kissed him softly and the tension began to leave his body.

"So you forgive me?" He asked fearfully.

"Nothing to forgive."

_'Halo' – The Cure_

It was late morning before Finn sat at the kitchen table and Rae went to see what Archie and Izzy were cooking up.

"We alright?" Finn said as he sat down next to Chloe.

"Yeah"

"Good. You like me sister Chlo."

"Oh yeah?" She mocked.

"Aye. You matter to me. Ok? I wanna see you happy, deal?" She tutted at him and rolled her eyes.

"Ok Finn." She ended with a genuine smile. "I am sorry about last night."

"S'alright." He shrugged.

"I needed to hear it. Get me head on straight. So, thanks. I guess." Finn opened his mouth to reply but Chop came into the room wearing a kilt and holding 2 more.

"It's time lads!" He bellowed as Archie came out from the kitchen.

The boys ate their breakfast quickly and donned their kilts.

"No undies right?" Chop said and Finn nodded his head amused. Archie shook his head unimpressed.

"Archie?"

"Yes." He groaned. Chop produced a football.

"Three man football. Barefoot, in the snow."

A strange sort of masculinity took over then and three of them ran outside yelling, the girls watched them leave with mildly confused looks.

"Well girls if either of you wanted to have children with your boy I think that chance just died." Chloe said as they walked to the windows to watch them running around frantically, the ball flying in between them.

"Well then." Izzy turned to them, "who wants a cup of tea?"

_My god. Look at Finn. How did he not know that I thought he were a sex god?_

_He is clearly the king of horn. _

_If they made pornos with him in them I would never stop masturbating. _

"I think she's fantasising about Finn again." Izzy said softly.

"What?' Rae asked turning her face to the girls.

"You kinda sometimes do this thing where you look off and…" Chloe shrugged. "We figured you was fantasising about Finn every time you did it."

"How often do I do it?"

"At least daily." Izzy nodded happily.

"I need a brew."

"It was the smallest cock I'd ever seen." Chloe laughed and Izzy gave a scandalised look before joining in with Rae and Chloe laughing. They sat at the outside dining table in heavy jackets with blankets and watched the boys run around in shirts and kilts.

"As long as he knew how to use his tongue!"

"You know Rae, he was really good at that. I love getting head."

"Yeah." Rae nodded her head appreciatively, "I like a man though that can make you cum with his fingers, his tongue and his cock…"

"There aren't many of those about." Chloe shook her head. "Why, is Finn…?" She nodded towards him.

"He's amazing. He makes me cum so much I think me insides are turning to jelly." Chloe and Izzy laughed. "He fucks like a starving man who thinks his cock can find a burger up me snatch." Chloe opened her mouth wide in laughter and Izzy covered her mouth giggling.

"Holy Fuck!" Chloe laughed until she started to cough.

"His cock is like magic! It's the perfect size – well above average ladies! And it has this slight curve in it that make it rub all the right places inside."

"Snipped or no?' Chloe asked.

"Not."

"I prefer that." Chloe answered.

"Me too, it's more natural." Izzy agreed, "that's what Chop says anyway."

"Everything about his cock is so perfect they should make him make pornos."

"No Rae his bits are just for you!" Izzy laughed.

"His body is like some sort of fucking…" She shook her head, a tragically horny expression on her face, "fucking…" another heaving breath, "there are no words. He is a sex wizard." Rae said finally. "He makes me scream every time."

"It's so nice though when they take to time to really make your scream." Chloe agreed. "Don't you agree Izzy?" Chloe asked and Rae turned her eyes to Izzy who stared back at them blankly. She took a sip of her tea and looked first at Rae and then at Chloe.

"I still don't really know what an orgasm is." She said finally. Rae tried to stop her jaw from dropping but she felt herself turning to look at Chloe and knew they both had the same stunned, opened-mouthed expression.

"Has Chop never made you scream?' Chloe hissed at her amazed.

"Um…" Izzy looked perplexed and worried.

"Has he gone down?" Rae asked amazed.

"Well yes…"

"And did you get… a kind of… electricity in your lady bits that went through your whole body and made you shake?" Rae tried to explain how an orgasm felt to her.

"No." Izzy shook her head and looked at both of them doubtfully, "I mean it were nice. Our sex is always really nice. But… I don't think I've ever orgasmed. I mean but how would I know if I had? How did you know?" She looked first at Chloe and then at Rae.

"Trust me, you'd know if you had." Rae said, her mouth numb with shock.

"Would I?' Her eyes turned to Chloe.

"Yeah." Chloe back Rae up.

"Well… what do I do?' Izzy asked.

"Well." Rae began, "There's two things…"

"Hey!" Finn jogged up and kissed Rae on the neck. "I think me toes are gonna freeze off!"

"Fuck your toes, me bollocks are freezing!" Archie came over and cupped his nuts as he sat down.

Chop joined them.

"Ok. I acknowledge that it might not have been a good idea."

"I vote for more movies and a fucking heater." Archie said.

"I second." Finn added starting to shiver.

"I third and motion passed." Rae added and they gathered the tea set before heading inside.

Rae and Finn had been snuggling in front of the TV with everyone else when Finn had traced the words;

_I want you…_

_Now._

On Rae's leg.

They had had excused themselves, to the mocking of Chop, and raced up the stairs. He had slammed her into the wall and kissed her fervently, before pushing her onto the bed and frantically pulling down her pants. He then spent a good long time licking her slowly and purposefully, Rae's orgasm slowly building until it exploded out of her with loud cries of ecstasy.

Downstairs four sets of eyes turned towards the stairs.

"Bloody hell." Izzy whispered to herself as Chop turned up the TV.

Having learned from the first time he gave her multiple orgasms, Finn was quick to slide into her before she stopped shuddering from the first orgasm.

"God you're so good Finn!" She moaned as her body began to peak for a second orgasm.

They had only been having sex twice a day since the gang arrived, the morning quickie and the night time slow, smouldering fuck. Finn seemed to be particularly keen to make the evening sex last as long as possible, and Rae was not complaining.

When he did cum he often stayed inside of her and kissed her mouth for a long while before they headed to the shower or spa where they would inevitably talk and tease each other happily.

"Can blokes have multiple orgasms?"

"I dunno?" Finn shrugged. "Probably not."

"Seems unfair that I can and you can't." Finn thought about it for a moment.

"Periods." He answered.

"Oh yeah." She agreed. He grinned and they kissed as they slowly soaped each other's bodies. "But I do feel that I should make sure. I want'a be as good at sex as you are."

"Don't worry, you're doing fine." His face was lit up and his eyes never left her face.

"Yeah?"

"Oh yes." They kissed and Rae felt happy, content. She knew that she could talk to Finn about this…

"Finn." She said softly, as if broaching a delicate topic. "Do you and Chop still talk about sex and girls and stuff?" She felt him grow tense, remembering the discussion in the spa from the other night.

"I suppose."

"What were your last conversation like?" Finn thought back to the last time he and Chop had talked about sex.

"He asked if I'd got in you knickers yet. And I said not yet. And I whined about that a bit." He laughed.

"You cheeky fucker!" She admonished and he laughed more.

"But you haven't talked since then." She asked when he finished laughing.

"Not really. I mean, I guess in general terms."

"So not like… in detail?"

"Not really. It'd be weird wouldn't it? I don't wanna know what Izzy does! She like me sister!"

"Right." She answered, her thoughts clearly not where his were.

"Your head's left me behind again girl."

"Can I ask you to talk to Chop about sex?" Finn looked momentarily stunned and then amused.

"What do you want me to say? Rae Earl's the best fuck I ever had?"

"No… well yes… but after that… maybe you can… I dunno… tell him how to do it… properly." Finn stared at her expectant face blankly.

"Tell Chop…"

"How to have sex." Rae said as if it were both an extremely obvious and easy task she were asking of him.

"Tell Chop how to have sex." Finn repeated.

"Properly. Yes." She clarified.

"Why would I do that?"

"Because he don't make Izzy scream."

"Oh fuck Rae, I don't wanna know this!" Finn looked away with a pained expression of utter distaste on his face.

"Yeah but Izzy should be made to scream don't you think?" She asked matter-of-factly.

"I don't know!" He looked at bewildered and exasperated, "It's not my job to make sure Izzy screams. I've got you to take care of and that does me very nicely thank you."

"Oh come on Finn!"

"It's not like we even talk in that much detail!"

"Yeah but maybe you just talk about technique, like just boys talking shite or something. And you just slip it in there."

"Just slip it in there?" He shook his head at her and then dawning realisation spread across Finn's face, "Wait… Do you girls talk about it in that much detail?"

"What?" Rae seeing the look of horror on his face, pretended shock. "No!" Outrage even.

_He makes me cum so much I think me insides are turning to jelly_

_He fucks like a starving man who thinks his cock can find a burger up me snatch_

_His cock is_ _the perfect size – well above average ladies! And it has this slight curve in it that make it rub all the right places inside – it's so perfect they should make him make pornos_

_He makes me scream every time_

"Nooooooo." Rae shook her head at him as if her were crazy to think that way, "why would you think that?" She asked awkwardly.

"Well… well how d'you know Chop don't make Izzy scream?"

"Um… we was just talking in general terms… and it managed to come up in general conversation." Rae lied.

"Came up in general conversation?"

"Yep." She looked everywhere but his face.

"Just slipped in there hey?"

"That's right."

"How much detail do you girls talk in?" Finn asked, not buying it.

"Not that much. I mean not more than they already knew – which is that you make me scream." Rae pretended to concede valuable information and Finn sighed, exasperated.

"Is that all?"

_He fucks like a starving man who thinks his cock can find a burger up me snatch_

_His cock is_ _the perfect size – well above average ladies! And it has this slight curve…_

"Yep." She looked at the wall and tried to make it seem like she was telling the truth.

"Rae?" Finn looked at her while she attempted to look innocent.

"What?"

"How much detail did you go into?"

"Not much!" She answered as if she were being unfairly persecuted.

"What exactly did you say?" Finn asked, beginning to worry.

"I just said you have a nice cock and you make me scream." Finn blushed and looked away.

"And that were to Chloe and Izzy?"

"Yes."

"Oh shit Rae!" He shook his head, "I don't want them to know that!"

"Well everyone already knows you make me scream so…" She shook her head at him as if it were no big deal…

"That's all you said?"

"Why don't you trust me Finn?"

"Cos I know how you like to bang on!" He said serious, but the look on her face made him crack into a smile. "Fuck Rae," He smiled and stroked her cheek, "how much did you really tell them?"

"Ok, maybe a little more than you would have liked… but only a little! And it's just cos you're so good that I have speak about it or me insides'll burst." He shook his head not knowing how to respond so he took her into his arms, kissed her forehead and groaned.

"I'm not gonna be able to look at either of 'em."

"Don't be daft. Girls talk about this stuff all the time, it's no big deal." He knew he should be angry or even upset at all, but all he could do was helplessly love her.

"Alright." He gave in.

"So you'll talk to Chop."

"I didn't say that."

"Oh come on!"

"No Rae. I won't do it! It'd be too weird!"

"Well at least think about it."

"Think about it? I don't want this conversation stewing in my brain."

"Please?"

"Fine. If it'll shut you up?"

"It'll shut me up. For now."

"I'll think about it."

"Thank you." She gave him her best impish smile and kissed his lips triumphantly.

_Ok, maybe it took Finn a little while to look Chloe and Izzy in the eye again, but he got over it and everything was fine!_

_But I must learn to keep me mouth shut about his cock. _

_Impossible. _

_'Me And A Gun' by Tori Amos._

For their last night in Sutherland the gang went to the local village pub. It was a rowdy Friday night and the locals were in high spirits.

Chop announced that he'd be shouting the gang's drinks for the night and the general consensus was that Chop was a very decent fellow.

They organised the drive back, Chop was staying in Sutherland for Christmas, Finn and Rae were driving back in her car and Archie Chloe and Izzy would go in Archie's car. Archie intended to do the ten hours on one long day, but Finn decided that he and Rae would do two 5 hour days, getting them home on the 22nd of December.

"I'm pretty excited for Christmas." Izzy said before taking a big sip of her beer.

"You know, I don't even know if we're celebrating it anymore." Rae looked perplexed.

"Why?" Finn turned to her.

"Well me mum converted to Islam, and I don't think they do Christmas do they?"

"But you didn't convert, so you should do it." Finn responded.

"I guess I'll have to see what's happening."

"Come to my place if you need to ok?" He offered.

"D'you reckon your dad'll be ok with that?"

"Yeah, he'll be fine."

"And if he's not you could always come round to my place." Archie put in.

"Or mine." Chloe added.

"I'd say mine too, but we're going away for Christmas." Izzy apologised.

"Oh that's alright Izzy!"

"Oh hey Chloe, that guy over there is having a look at you!" Izzy nodded towards a table of fit lads in the corner, she was not nearly as subtle as she thought she was and two of them nodded back to her.

"I don't really care Iz." Chloe said, but looked anyway and one of them blew her a kiss. She turned away without responding. Archie looked over.

"One of them's checking out Rae." He commented and Finn looked over.

"Someone put a fucking muzzle on Finn!" Chop joked as Finn put a possessive arm around Rae.

"He's not checking me out Archie." Rae shook her head without even looking at the table of lads.

"Yes he fucking was." Finn responded and pulled her closer. She rolled her eyes at him and scooted closer happy for the closeness.

"Let me know if any of 'em looks at Izzy, I'll go 'Finn' on 'em." Chop laughed as he put an arm around Izzy and Finn shot him a glare.

The night wore on but the jokes were good and the beer was free, for everyone but Chop, so they stayed later than they had intended.

"Better head out then." Archie said eventually after he looked at his watch and the others moaned.

"I don't want this week to be over." Izzy voiced their thoughts.

They started to head towards the door, Chloe and Rae in the lead, chatting about getting together after Christmas. The lad that had been looking at Chloe reached out as they went past and grabbed her hand.

"Hey pretty lady." He said as he stood up.

"Don't touch me." Chloe's voice shook and she stepped back. Rae turned to see the man put his hand on her shoulder.

"Don't be like th-" He started to say.

"DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME!" Chloe shrieked and pushed him as hard as she could, "DON'T YOU EVER FUCKING TOUCH ME!" Rae put herself between the guy and Chloe.

"Hey, it's alright, we're cool. No one's touching you now Chlo." She tried to make eye contact with Chloe.

"The fuck is wrong with that psycho?' The guy spat at her, the phlegm landing on Rae and Chloe's arms. "Fucking bitch!"

"Hey fuck off!" Archie yelled back and several men started to stand.

"Don't fucking look at her!" Chop was yelling at the crowd staring.

"Get me out of here. Get me out of here!" Chloe was sobbing, but she couldn't move, she was shaking too hard, and Rae wasn't sure she could get Chloe out safely while all around them men were posturing and swearing. Rae saw the look of rage coming over Finn's face as he saw the spit on her arm.

"Finn!" She yelled at him and his eyes snapped to her, "I need you! Get Chloe!" He nodded and scooped Chloe up as Rae led the way through the gathering crowd. Chop, Izzy and Archie followed them closely.

"Put me down! Don't touch me!" She started to yell as she struggled out of Finn's arms. "Don't touch me." She sobbed and Rae took her by the arms and moved her off the road.

"Put your hands on something solid Chloe." Rae said as the gang kept an eye on the people who had spilled out of the pub after them. "Put your hands on something solid."

"I don't want him to touch me Rae, please don't let him touch me. Don't touch me. Don't touch me. Don't touch me." She was sobbing frantically.

"Chloe, where are you?" She asked and shot a look at Finn and the rest of the gang who all looked on horrified.

"He won't stop. He won't stop. He won't stop." She whimpered.

"It's ok. You feel the wall. It's real. It's solid. It's here with me. And he's not here." Chloe's sobs echoed through the silent street as Rae tried to talk her down.

"What's happening?" Chop asked softly and Izzy gave him a sign to be quiet. Archie turned back to look at the pub patrons, staring on with curiosity.

"What are you feeling Chloe." Rae kept her voice low and quiet, soothing, calm.

"His…"

"What emotion?"

She sobbed for a moment, her breath fast and ragged.

"F… fear." She stuttered. The sobs starting to quieten down.

"Ok. And what's your body doing?"

"Um… tense… shaking…"

"Alright. And this is happening because you're remembering… him…" Chloe started to sob louder again as she nodded her head.

"Ok, look around, not that way," she turned Chloe's back to the people staring at her "look around right now, what do you see?" Rae rubbed her back gently.

"A stone cobble road… parked cars… a cat." She pointed half-heartedly at a cat running from one gutter to another.

"And what's the date?"

"20th of December." Chloe breath was slowing down, her voice becoming more steady.

"So you know what he did, isn't happening right now." Chloe nodded her head.

"He's not here." She whispered.

"No he's not. I'm here." Chloe threw her arms around Rae and cried. Rae looked back at the gang and saw the same fear, concern and outrage on their faces.

Something very bad had happened to Chloe, she could see this in the boy's eyes.

But as she turned to Izzy, she saw the same knowledge there that she felt in her own eyes.

_'The Daughter Of A Child' by The Auteurs_

Rae held her tight, worrying, not wanting to let her go. She giggled and finally Rae had to stop.

"I'm fine Rae!" Chloe said with a huge sunny grin. "I just had too much drink." She got into the car, "I'll see you after Christmas, yeah?"

"Alright Chlo."

"I'll look after her." Archie gave Rae a hug and called after Izzy, who was still kissing Chop in between huge yawns.

"I get back on the 29th!" She kissed him.

"I'll be waiting for you." He said lustily and she giggled before jumping in the back seat.

Rae, Finn and Chop watched the car until it was out of sight and turned back to the house.

"What time you fuckers leaving?"

"In about an hour or two. Alright?" Finn answered lighting a cigarette.

"Alright." Chop agreed, "Hey… what happened with Chlo last night? She seems fine today." Both boys turned their eyes to Rae who sighed internally.

"Um. I think it were a panic attack." She answered as generally as she could, not wanting to go into the specifics

"You ever had them?" Chop asked, "I mean cos you talked Chloe around pretty good."

"She actually reminded me of an old friend who didn't liked to be touched." Rae sad sadly, "Yeah Chop, I've had panic attacks."

He nodded his head considering.

"But our little Rae-Rae's alright now?" His eyes were filled with worry.

"As right as I can be Chop." Finn looked at her sympathetically and put his arm around her. Chop looked concerned about everything but pocketed his hands and tried to brush it off.

One shag, three suitcases and 2 hours later Rae stood outside holding her diamond as it nestled on her neck and looking up at the house. She really didn't want to go. She turned to run her hand along the body of her car. At least she had something to look forward to. Finn said he'd teach her to drive.

Chop and Finn chest bumped and Chop turned to Rae and gave her a typically awkward Chop hug with a kiss on the cheek.

"I'll see you two on the 27th right?"

"At the Chippy." Finn confirmed and then turned to Rae, "you wanna drive?"

"Not yet, you go first." She answered anxiously.

"Alright."

Driving through the Scottish countryside, Rae's mind turned to thoughts of Chloe. The hand she had rested on Finn's started to fidget and he looked at her momentarily.

"Your mind working overtime again?" He smiled knowingly at her before focussing on the road again.

"Just trying to think which one of those bastards did it to her."

"Chloe?"

"I mean any one of those guys could have done. I keep thinking 'obviously Rae, it's Ian' but I wouldn't put it past Saul, that fucking shit-stain, and she mentioned fooling around with Ben and something about the way she said it makes me thinking it weren't fooling around…"

"What happened to her?"

"Are you serious?"

"Well something bad… she's right cut up about it…" Rae's face was a picture of disbelief and Finn felt self-conscious.

"Well don't look at me like that Chop and Archie don't know either." He said defensively, "Although… Archie and I think that maybe…" He bit the inside of his mouth, "maybe she were raped?" He shrugged at how stupid his theory was and then continued, "you know but Chop said that that would never happen to Chloe so… I dunno."

"Why wouldn't it happen to Chloe?"

"Well Chop said that kind of thing only happens to certain types of girls and Chloe isn't one of those girls."

"Certain types of girls?" She felt her anger rising, "Right. And am I one of those types of girls then?" Finn could tell how angry she was and tried to salvage the situation.

"No! No it were-"

"Cos it's nearly happened to me…" She thought on it for a moment and added, "more than once. What do you think that guy in the pub would have done if you hadn't been there? Or if me and him'd been alone? Did it look like he cared I were saying no?" Finn calmly pulled the car to the side of the road and after keeping his eyes forward for a moment he turned to her.

"More than once?" His face was filled with concern, and shame at what he'd said before. Rae looked away not wanting to talk about it.

"Yeah." She said eventually.

"Are you alright? What happened?"

"I'm fine. Nothing happened."

"Then why won't you look at me?" She turned her eyes to him, "tell me what happened?"

"I were at a party with Chlo and them bunch'a knob heads and I had to go to the toilet, I were pretty wasted… and Saul…"

"He's the guy that put his arm around you at the carnival." Finn jutted his jaw slowly out, showing his rising aggression. She nodded.

"He came in and I weren't expecting it. And he told me that I were sexy and stuff like that. And when I turned to wash me hands, he touched me." Suddenly the fear of that moment came back to Rae and she had to take a deep breath.

"Touched you where?" Finn's voice was unnaturally calm and even.

"On the arse, but like right under… his fingers were right on me… but I had clothes on. And I tried to stop him and…" The images flashed in her mind fast and she couldn't grab hold of any one of them, "I dunno he said something about wanting a big girl and he locked the door when I told him no." Finn clenched his jaw and looked out at the road as Rae continued, "um… he got his dick out and told me he were hard for me and told me to touch it. I think I told him I'd scream if he touched me again and then… then I left the room." Rae hadn't let herself think about since it had happened, she felt her whole body shaking. "It were so close though. I think the only reason he let me go, were that he were too drunk to proper stop me, you know? I think if he'd been more sober… he just would'a covered me mouth and done it." She looked over at Finn. He scratched his ear stiffly, his hands shaking as they moved. He swallowed, kept his eyes ahead. Suddenly Rae got worried that she was one of those girls, that he wouldn't want her anymore.

"Say something." She said after a long silence.

"I'm sorry." He breathed. "I were trying to stop the urge to kill something. And I were trying to think of something that would be worth saying right now. Nothing I can think of seems right."

"Just say what's in your head."

"I'm gonna kill that guy." He paused, his eyes searching for something that he couldn't grasp, "And I hate myself for not just comforting you, but instead wanting to find him and kill him. So he'll never touch you again."

"You don't think I'm o'those girls, do you?" Rae asked, her voice fragile and unsure.

"What?" Finn asked, his face filled with outrage.

"It almost happened twice to me… maybe I'm doing something? Maybe I'm… what Chop said…"

"No! No! Fuck Chop…" He shook his head that he'd ever believed for a second something Chop said about girls. "There's no such thing as that kind o' girl." He said after a moment of self-berating. "Chop knows nought about girls!" He said to her worried face. "We both know that." They sat in silence for a moment, Finn's fingers twitching as he bit the inside of his mouth and tried to not stare at her.

"Can I touch you?" He asked after a moment.

"You what?"

"It's just Chloe didn't want to be touched and… I wantta hold you." She motioned for him to hug her and he leaned over the gear box awkwardly and put his arms around her. "I'm sorry." He whispered in her ear. His voice, those words, it unlocked something in her and she started to cry. She hadn't let herself cry about Saul, about the way he'd touched her, how afraid she'd been when he locked the door.

"His was the first cock I saw in real life." Rae said numbly, her tears dripping onto Finn's shirt. Finn's jaw clenched again and his nostrils flared.

"I'm gonna kill him." He said simply.

"No don't." Rae said softly. "Don't want you to go to jail." She smiled weakly and he returned the same smile before kissing her, gently, but with his arms wrapped around her protectively.

They stayed like that for some time.

"Can I try driving?" Rae asked softly.

"Yeah." Finn started to get out.

"Not yet!" Rae held up her shaking hands, "but maybe after lunch?"

_Saying goodbye after that wonderful week was easily one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I told Finn to keep me car at his place for now since I can't drive it yet and he had an actual garage space so it wouldn't be outside all the time. We sat in the backseat and kissed for ages, not wanting him to have to drive away. Oh he said so many sweet things to me about how he'd miss waking up next to me, how he liked sleeping with me in his arms. My room just seems kind of empty now. There's no Finn beside me in the bed as I write this. I feel so lonely. Even though I know I'll be seeing him again tomorrow. I don't want to spend the night alone. _

_'Pretty On The Inside' by Hole_

_At least at home I could finally get my weight loss program back on track! Time for an early morning jog._

Rae looked at the clock. 8am.

_Ok… a morning jog._

Rae jogged down the stairs feeling her stomach grumble. She was starting to get used to that.

She walked into the lounge room to see her mum, crying, watching Aiesha sleep. She stopped, surprised and then slowly walked into the room.

"Alright mum?" Linda looked up and quickly wiped her tears.

"Yeah, just tired you know?" Rae nodded, "your boy's at it again." Linda held up a box of chocolates the card with her name and the heart on it, still attached.

"Oh Finn." Rae smiled as she took them.

"They were on the doorstep this morning." Rae opened the box and smelled the chocolate slowly, taking it all in, before sighing wistfully and handing them back to her mum.

"You can have them. I'm trying to lose weight."

"Alright." Linda answered distractedly.

"Off for a jog!" Rae said cheerily as she left the house.

_The worst thing was, that after 2 weeks of starving myself and an hour of jogging today, my weight hadn't changed one bit. _

_Every time I looked in the mirror I saw a body that just needed shrinking, just a little. I just want to take up less space. I want his hands to take less time to travel from one side to the other side of me. _

_I am fine. I am perfect…_

_I am perfect…_

_I'd just be more perfect if I were smaller. _

_'I Want You' by Elvis Costello_

_Hello, hello. What a surprise. _

_Didn't think I'd see you about Rae Earl. _

Rae was sitting on the swing looking down at a CD. She swung back and forth slightly. He was struck with the sudden, violent urge to go to her.

But he stilled that urge and watched her.

_Smiling. She's sitting there smiling. _

_You've had enough fun Rae. You don't get to just forget me._

_You're on a high now, but it'll crash and you'll remember what a fuck up you really are. _

He walked to her slowly, quietly and sat on the swing next to her. She looked up, her face smiling, but it dropped a little when she saw him.

_Don't try and cover it. I saw that._

"Rae."

"Hi Liam." She stuffed the CD in her bag and turned, smiling to him.

"I haven't seen you around." He pulled out a cigarette and lit it, blowing smoke in her direction on each exhale.

"Yeah, I stopped group. What have you been up to?"

"Nothing. You?" Rae started to feel uneasy about the way Liam was looking at her.

"Not much, you know." She looked ahead while Liam kept his eyes trained on her face.

"Weren't it your birthday recently?" His face was a fixed mask that Rae couldn't read. She fidgeted uncomfortably.

"Yeah."

"Not sweet 16 anymore."

"I guess not." She tried to smile but it fell dead when she saw his intense stare. "So I think I might go, and we can chat later, yeah?" She started to get up and Liam matched her, flicking his cigarette away in the same movement. His eyes never leaving her face.

"I'll walk you there."

"I'm going to meet up with Finn."

"Finn." His left eyelid twitched and Rae felt herself backing up slowly.

"Yeah. Sorry but I don't need you to walk me there. But thanks for the offer, mate."

"You two dating again." His eyes narrowed slightly and Rae tried to ignore the fear rising in her stomach.

"Yes we are. I'm real happy Liam."

"Why?"

"I just am. Can't explain happiness, can you?"

"I meant why are you with him?"

"Because-"

Liam's eyes were ablaze with rage, and Rae grew more afraid as he closed in on her.

"There's no reason for you to go out with him." He slowly raised his hand to her face and stroked her cheek, fondly.

"Liam… Don't touch me"

Liam laughed.

"Don't touch you!" He chuckled, "Been there, done you…"

"Yeah well, that's in the past Liam, we're just mates now." She answered stridently.

"No. No Rae. You belong to me. You won't drop your standards to be with that motherfucker. Will you Rae?"

"Liam…" Rae couldn't fathom the icy fire in his eyes and it stopped her voice in her throat.

"I love you." He grabbed her by the head and slammed his lips against hers. Rae struggled against him and managed to turn her head and yell.

"LIAM!" She pushed him hard and backed away hurriedly, slamming herself into a tree. She felt her spine and the back of her head sing out in pain, her breath punched out of her by the force of her hit. But he was there, his body inches from hers.

"Tell me about it Rae."

"STOP IT LIAM!" But he put a hand over her mouth.

"Shhhh." He soothed and stroked her hair with the other hand.

"Tell me about him." He whispered to her, his face just millimetres from hers, Rae turned her eyes away.

_She's so pretty when she scared. _

"Shhh… it's ok Rae, I won't hurt you. Tell me about Finn. Tell me he fucks you better than I did." He let go of her mouth and snaked his hand down her body, "tell me how he touches you. Did you suck his dick?" He put his mouth to her ear, "does he eat your tight cunt?" Rae turned her face to his.

"Get off me Liam." She hissed angrily, "You're me mate, I don't know what's happening with you, but-" tears made her voice shake and crack.

"Oh no Rae Earl. I'm more than your mate, aren't I? I know all about you, don't I?" She looked away, searching the surroundings for help. He dug his fingers into her chin, forcing her face to look at him. "Does he know what you're like when you binge eat Rae? Does he know how fucked up you really are? How you scratch your skin? Does he know what's going on in your head, like I do? Or does he just know you with his dick?"

"Fuck off Liam!" Rae tried to turn her head away and Liam let her.

"Nah Rae," he put his lips to her ear again, "he don't know you, he's just guessing. I know you."

"No you don't!" She spat at him, "if you did, you wouldn't-"

"Does he let you take your clothes off? Does he lie and tell you that you're beautiful?"

Rae lowered her eyes and tears slipped down her cheeks.

"Stop it."

"Do you think that cos he undresses you that he wants you like I do?" He moved closer. "You think cos he fucks you, that he gets you? You're fucking daft if you think he understands Rae, he don't. No one understands people like us."

"Finn understands me…" Her voice sounded weak, small, fragile.

He caressed her face and carefully swept some hair out of her eyes.

"Careful darlin' – you're falling into a lie. He don't know you like I do. He don't love you like I do."

"You don't love me." She gritted her teeth against the thoughts entering her mind,

"No more of this Rae." He straightened his spine, drawing himself to his full height, "you belong with me."

"No." She tried to sound strong, but her voice sounded small and fragile.

"I can't live without you Rae. D'you think Finn can live without you… d'you think he won't just go get another girl when you inevitably break up… go get himself a THIN girl won't he? Oh wait – he already did that."

Rae squeezed her eyes shut against the tears.

"Truth hurts don't it? But it's better that way. It's clear, it's real. You don't belong in his world Rae. You belong in mine." He leaned into kiss her again and she struggled against him.

_She's breaking in front of me._

_Why do you do shit like this Liam?_

_Because he took her. _

_From me._

Liam felt a hand close around his shoulder and yank him backwards.

"Ah, here he is!" Liam laughed, "We was just talking about you. Weren't we Rae?"

"What's going on?" Finn turned his eyes to Rae.

"You know, it just must kill you that I got there before you." Liam smiled sadistically at Finn. "Popped that tight little cherry, didn't I?" Contempt and anger crept into Finn's face as he turned his eyes to Liam. "I'm still inside her." He smirked.

"What?" Finn asked dangerously.

"Rae, c'mon pet, be honest, wouldn't you rather be sucking my dick than his?"

Without warning Finn slammed his fist into Liam's jaw. Liam jolted back and landed on his arse, Finn standing over him. The sound of Liam laughing uproariously through his bloodied mouth filled the silence.

"You know, she's more like me than you." He kept laughing.

Finn looked at Rae momentarily and then turned and left.

"Finn!" She ran after him but he kept going, "FINN!" He was halfway down the next street before he turned on her

"What the fuck were you doing with him?"

"Nothing!"

"It didn't look like nothing."

"Well maybe you need to check your fucking eyes!"

"Did you fuck him?"

"What the fuck?"

"Did you fuck him Rae?"

"Like you fucked Olivia?"

"Hey you dumped me – you don't get to tell me how I should handle that!"

"No, you're right, you should handle it by fucking some skinny bitch!"

"What are you even talking about?"

"You don't like my body, you don't say anything nice about it."

"I don't say anything about it cos I don't want'a make you self-conscious!"

"Oh bollocks!"

"Bollocks? Do you have any idea how hard it is to watch what I say all the time?"

"Right, so go back to Olivia. She seems much easier."

"Why are you so caught up on Olivia?"

"Why'd you get another girlfriend so quickly?"

"I were single I could do whatever I wanted!"

"Or whoever you wanted."

"Yeah, that's what it's like when you're single."

"Yeah maybe for you, but you know what I did when we were apart?"

"Fucked Liam, made him cheat on his girlfriend."

"Fuck you!"

"Why d'you even like him? Oh that's right – cos he just gets you!"

"Yeah. Yeah that's right."

"Right. Cos I don't?"

"That's not what I'm saying!"

"How d'you even meet him?"

"At group therapy."

"Right… so he's just like you then."

"Yeah. Yeah we're both fucked up."

"No Rae, this is fucked up."

"You know what Finn, maybe I don't belong in your world. I'm just not perfect enough for you am I? I got too much shit. And you can't handle it."

"You're right. I'm not fucked up enough to understand you. I don't belong in the fucked world of Rae Earl cos I'm not fucking mental enough!"

"This were a mistake."

"Yeah."

"We shouldn't of got back together. We're both too fucked up for this. All we do is hurt each other."

"Fine then. It's over!"

"Yeah. Cos I'm done with this shit." Rae regretted the words as soon as they were out of her mouth. But it was too late, she turned from him, trying not to cry and fled.

Finn turned and continued to walk home.

_'Swallowed' by Bush_

Linda didn't need to ask what had happened.

She knew.

An hour ago Rae had stumbled into the house in tears.

Linda held her, stroked her hair and made soothing sounds.

A long while later the sobbing stopped, and silent tears snailed down her cheeks.

"I thought he loved me mum." Her small vulnerable voice broke Linda's heart.

"Oh Rae, I thought he did too, pet." Linda kissed the top of Rae's head and rocked her gently.

"I have to give back the necklace."

"Sure we can't just sell it?"

"It's his Nan's. It belongs in his family."

She got up and walked listlessly up the stairs to her room.

Her still unpacked bags from their time in Sutherland lay in the corner. She saw a shirt of his scrunched under the bed and a sob escaped her. She went to the bed and picked it up, putting the shirt to her face so she could smell him.

_It felt like the world had swallowed me and I'd ended up in a place where there no happiness, no light, no goodness. _

_We hadn't even made it to a month together this time. It's like the fire burned too bright between us and we burned ourselves out. We'd end up killing each other if we kept going. It was over between us. Truly over. _

Rae sat on the floor, Finn's shirt in her hands and wept.

Finn walked angrily. He knew where he was going. But he didn't know what would happen when he got there.

His mind was a screeching cacophony of noise. The argument played out in his head over and over.

_"Right… so he's just like you then."_

_"Yeah. Yeah we're both fucked up."_

_"No Rae, this is fucked up."_

_"You know what Finn, maybe I don't belong in your world. I'm just not perfect enough for you am I? I got too much shit. And you can't handle it."_

_"You're right. I'm not fucked up enough to understand you. I don't belong in the fucked world of Rae Earl cos I'm not fucking mental enough!"_

_"This were a mistake."_

_"Yeah."_

_"We shouldn't of got back together. We're both too fucked up for this. All we do is hurt each other." _

Tears scorched his cheeks and he scratched at his face to stop them.

_I don't want to feel this. I don't wanna feel nothing._

He started to run. He ran until he was exhausted, and had left Stamford's boundaries behind.

He looked around at the unfamiliar surroundings and let himself start to cry, but it lasted only a few moments before he pushed it back down and let it burn a hole through his gut.

He turned and walked back into town, still knowing where he intended to go.

A few hours later he knocked on the door, fidgeting self-consciously, but staring purposefully at the door, as he heard footsteps within and saw the door swing inwards.

"What are you doing on my doorstep again Finn Nelson?" Elsa drew heavily on her cigarette and looked at the boy. His eyes red and angry.

"Can I come in?"

She blew smoke out and looked up and down the road.

"Alright."

Finn entered the house and turned to look at her, his hollow eyes crawling up her body and resting on her face.

"And I didn't come to talk."


End file.
